What an absolute pleasure to read - and clearly it's time to revisit 'Harvey' which I also just love. I think you've mined every gift from this gem, Mary.
Thank you for that honest account of going maskless. I'm sure many of your readers have their own stories on that. It's easy to miss the importance of those moments. Especially when it challenges all the programming we've digested about being a 'good' person as we being perceived as the 'bad' guy.
It's deeply uncomfortable and doing it - imho - is not only an act of courage, but an act of self-love. A reorientation back to sanity and re-claiming of our personal sovereignty. I truly believe it's far more important than what's too easily seen as small moment of defiance and has a significant ripple effect.
I have my own stories on masks, which I'll skip in favor of this little anecdote: Sitting with friends on NY's Eve - going into 2021. A couple of people (who I've known for decades but only see intermittently) were visiting from DC. They donned their masks in the small space we were sharing until a couple drinks loosened them up. One of two told a story of shopping and coming across a mask-less person. They were aghast at the selfishness and the callousness of this person. What an obvious asshole!
I listened and found myself nodding and smiling. One of them said, "Oh you must have come across one of those assholes too?"
"No. Actually I was smiling because I am that asshole in the grocery store. The one you cursed out. The one you assume is selfish and uncaring." The DC'ers exchange shocked looks. They waited with disapproving expressions for me to say more.
And I do. "You're welcome."
(Note-worthy, I too had a couple drinks by then. This gathering-party was a welcome break from the ongoing, hair-on-fire feeling that persisted through most of 2020. The jabs were coming out soon and this was a brief breather as it was clear a lot of pressure to jab was on the horizon. (The hosts' son and daughter in law, both Pfizer employees, were also at the party (not in the same room) and were making the rounds, answering questions on the upcoming vaccine which they provided with enthusiasm.))
I wasn't looking for an argument and I didn't have any intention of explaining myself. My 'you're welcome' comment came out spontaneously and without malice.
And funny enough that was the end of it. They didn't push for more explanation and I didn't provide it, but it felt in that moment like a small triumph. (I was, in refusing the mask, in service to others. It felt very good to quietly announce that.)
Reading this I saw I had an 'Elwood' moment. (Maybe imbibing a certain amount helps attain it? :-)
Elwood assumes and extends positive intent no matter what's happening. Zero defensiveness as he bypasses confrontation and explanation. Yes we can learn from this film.
Sorry for the looong comment. This clearly resonated!
Just wonderful, Mary. Thank you for finding those North Stars. ⭐️
I wish the very best of the very best of Christmas to you and yours. XOXO
Your "loooong" comment gave me goosebumps, Kathleen. I'm so proud to call you my friend. In your anecdote (which I am so glad you shared, btw) you did the hard work of compassion in service of truth -- truly an Elwood moment if there ever was one. And when I say hard work, I mean HARD, HARD work. It's one thing to be kind to kind people, but to choose to respond kindly in a situation like that... well, it's like crawling across broken glass, as my husband likes to say.
And I actually love that your spontaneous response was, "you're welcome." Something about that just delights me! Probably the Elwoodesque-ness of it 😊
I'm also glad you mentioned the role of alcohol! I had another small section of the piece that I decided needed to go for brevity's sake, which addressed alcohol's ability to "strip away our masks." I do think in certain situations, it helps us be more of who we really are inside. The problem comes when we start requiring it to be ourselves.
Agree, in the right doses and the right time, it's a helpful thing. Get that wrong and a whole other element comes in. That's the rub of it, right there. :-)
I had to chuckle - as I was writing my own version of Harvey, but mine with a channeled energy essence as opposed to a rabbit, this came in my email.
No accidents.
We are not going to change anyone else. And the cards were stacked in relation to masks and jabs - regardless of what anyone thought personally, corporate policy influenced by government pressure in favor of capitalist venture was going to rule the day. Threaten someone's livelihood and you can control them all day long. But we did what we could do at the time.
Look for my own story to come out later today I hope. I certainly enjoyed reading yours!
Love this so much. I watched Harvey when I was in high school and thought it was so dumb. But..I was the dumb one. The unseen is absolutely more real than the seen, and I embrace that fact. Otherwise, I am no more than what is easily seen on the outside. And the coin purse?!! There have been so many of those moments in our lives, and I embrace those little seeming inconveniences rather than let them make me tottered and blathered. Serenity through and through can save your life when you embrace the things you did not forsee as Divine. I remember when we were moving from CA to Idaho. Hubs was 2 hours ahead of me in the giant U-Haul with the dog. I was driving our conversion van with our 2 and 4 year olds. My daughter was balling and would not stop near Truckee. Unusual behavior. So I had to pull off into town, get her settled and take a break and we were only 2 hours into the trip! I was anxious to be off to reconnect with Hubs. But I tamped down the anxious and focused on her. After 20 minutes we were on the road. Turns out, on the dark and lonely Interstate 80, twenty minutes ahead of me, there happened a fiery wreck near Battle Mt. Nevada. Traffic was backed up and I was stopped not too far back from the accident. 20 minutes sooner and we would have been in it...and I thanked God for Truckee and the crying little girl as I watched 2 Life Flights take off in the middle of the freeway. Thank you for the reminder. Have a wonderful Festive Season.♥♥And...Merry Christmas, Harvey.
What a fantastic example of acceptance/gratitude; thank you for telling us the story!
I end my vows every morning with: "All this I vow, with awe and delight in the Divinity of all." I put that in to remind myself that everything is for my awakening, even the crappy stuff. In fact, particularly the crappy stuff. :-)
Thank you. I made those words up as I was writing because I just couldn’t even, at that moment. Lol. Especially the crappy stuff is right!! It makes the good things all that much sweeter. Love to you and yours as well.♥♥
Wow. You and Kathleen are hitting out of the park this weekend. I had similar mask instances. And escalations to the managers were worse. Somehow restrained my anger but eventually stopped going out sending family instead. Which they gladly did knowing my attitude and that one of those experiences was likely to land me in jail.
Thanks, Mike! Always honored to be in the same sentence with Kathleen 😊.
That's so funny -- I had that kind of attitude and reputation with our General Practitioner; my kids dreaded getting sick because I was like the Grand Inquisitor at doctor visits...😂
I had a similar thing with my sons. They were always offering to run errands for me. As my oldest said, "I don't wanna see you on a youtube clip, Mom."
This hit on all cylinders! Jimmy Stewart (love him), masking, Harvey! A quote attributed to Van Gogh (another Elwoodesque kindred spirit) came to mind, “Normality is a paved road, comfortable to walk, but no flowers grow.” I’ll take Van Gogh’s flowers, compassion, and even madness…over soulless conformity.
Yes they did. An ongoing source of concern. He tried following in his father's footsteps as a pastor for awhile, but in doing so felt he had to live in poverty.
They also arranged for an uncle who was an art-dealer to employ him, but that fell apart.
If not for Theo and his support (emotionally and financially) he would have likely starved. He only sold a single painting in his lifetime. Though at some point decades later, one of his paintings would fetch the most ever.
By conventional standards, Vincent was a failure. Fortunately he and Theo wrote many letters to each other and so we see his intellect and his integrity and compassionate heart. I tend to agree with Don Mcleans lyrics from his song,
'Vincent'. "...this world was never meant for one as beautiful as you."
Oh my! I didn't know any of this. I probably should watch that move about him and Theo... unless it mischaracterizes the truth, which is more than possible.
Thank you for this, Kathleen. As I struggle forward in ascertaining my "purpose," I find his story inspiring. And sad and grim. But overall instructive, for certain.
And listening to McLean's homage brought the sting of tears. The phrase "how you suffered for your sanity" coupled with "they could not listen, they did not know how" cracked me wide open. So poignant and true, in ways I couldn't understand fully until covid.
You expand my world in all the ways I need. 🙏🏼 xoxox
FWIW I don't think you need to ascertain your purpose. It's already built in and you can't get away from it. None of us can imo. Not to say that inquiry isn't in the mix.
Mostly though when we get out of the way and just do what we are pulled to; what feels right, our purpose is unleashed and flows. That's my working hypothesis anyway. And honestly as one of your readers, you seem very much aligned to your purpose - don't think you'd be so clear and bright if you weren't.
wow, this was a lovely beautiful revisit for me with harvey! when i was in high school, 1977-8 i auditioned for and received the part of Elwood P. Dowd. it was an incredible experience for me in all ways, given i was not really an actor and there i was, front and centre. given the traumatic nature of my childhood, standing on stage and facing my demon of imperfection in front of the audience was powerfully liberating.
at the same time, because of the nature of my family's position about things like this, the real existence of harvey wasn't considered out of the park loco. such a curious contrast: facing fear of imperfection while accepting as possible the reality of harvey's in our life who can help us in some way, even if just to lighten up and not take ourselves so seriously.
thank you for the wonderful re-energising of those memories and now, beyond that, a wonderful piece to reflect on what is crazy and what is being alive. in a way, you have approached the challenges of living in a toxic culture from the opposite direction of gabor maté.
all the best with what is changing. everything changes! with peace, respect, love and exuberant joy.
Such a beautiful story, Guy. I'm so happy that this piece brought you back to a significant, earlier time! I loved reading about your experience onstage, and the living paradox of perfection vs. play. I've struggled with that myself.
I'm curious: how would you characterize Gabor Mate's approach to living in a toxic culture? If you feel like expounding, I'm all ears.
With all love and exuberant joy returning to you! (Those emojis are PERFECT.) xox
(glad the emojis aligned with the magical experience of perfection without perfection being the aim! kudos to the mark and the arrow coming together without either 'trying' to make the hit.)
my link to maté was very intuitive and with your question i found myself going into my head to remember what i was 'thinking' — to discover that what i was thinking wasn't actually a thought and so i was a bit flummoxed! lol!
so i paused, took a breath and then, rightly or wrongly, revisited some maté to stimulate with his words what had become non-verbal in order to bring forward from that non-verbal world what i was non-thinking. and my feeling with that is that your sharing was coming from a place of relaxed control and openness to the possibility that we really don't know our asses from holes in the ground, to put it colourfully. and maté is getting to a similar position after reading millions of word, thousands of articles, hundreds of books to conclude something similar. yet from what i've read, so far, he hasn't expressed that he has taken the last step in what i've read — although perhaps he has in living it, since it is largely non-verbal.
your essay has an inherent wholeness to it, its a subtle reading of the ego's need to control and to be seen. and in some ways maté's take is still in a kind of controlling way, in which the fix is to make the unseen seen rather than resting with what is unseen as unseen. the latter has been, i understand more clearly in the last year or two, the process of trust-falling into the unknown, that unseen 'thing' from which no traveller returns — maybe! and maté, as a physician schooled by western science seems to me to be still connected to seeing before trusting; he uses well the connections he sees in how the indigenous cultures, buddha, and science and the like, see everything as interconnected — which is huge! and in fact a big part of my own perspective. the next step is to step off the cliff of life with confidence that the unseen is what buddha and all the others were talking about. challenging!
at least that is what i 'think' i was feeling when i dashed off without much thought that comment.
i really appreciate your asking as it gave to me more opportunity to rest in imperfection — always a great practice! and it also provided some clarity by shining my attention on these ideas in a way i wouldn't normally do. great stuff.
all the best with what is changing. everything changes! with peace, respect, love and exuberant joy.
Oh good god, Guy, what you've written here is brilliant. Now that you've articulated it, I see exactly what you felt. This sentence in particular: "the fix is to make the unseen seen rather than resting with what is unseen as unseen." YES. And that's the job of the ARTIST, not the physician or scientist. Writing poetry scratches that itch, so to speak, to simply put words to the unseen as I feel it. But when I write an essay, my schooling kicks in and I feel the need to defend with evidence what I just KNOW as an artist. Sometimes I give in to that need, but more and more, I'm allowing myself to not.
You're right, too, in that seeing the interconnectedness is HUGE, and yet the next step is surrendering into it fully -- as you so neatly put it: "step off the cliff of life with confidence." Workin' on that. 😂
i confess to blushing a little and being delighted that this resonated with you so well. and, equally, your insights and perspectives expand joy and reduce suffering! wonderful.
all the best with what is changing. everything changes! with peace, respect, love and exuberant joy.
Another wonderful share, Mary! I've never seen "Harvey," but I'm guessing I would have loved hanging with both Elwood and Harvey. I just came in from the woods, where I stopped to chat with Mr. Wise, an ancient boulder I befriended when I first moved here. He’s so…Wise. :)
It’s a sort of “coming out” when you start to share about fairies and trees talking and rocks giving Wise counsel. It’s just part of who I am, and I notice that by being my authentic I- believe-in-Magic self, the right people show up.
It was the same way for me with the “mask situation.” I’ve been a shy person my entire life and pretty much of a rule-follower. Not a fan of attention. But that mask business stunk/stank? of BS so much that I couldn’t believe people were falling for it. I still can’t. I have way too many stories to share. Like you, I got tongue-tied for a clever response when confronted. (I’m a bit like George Costanza in the Jerk Store episode, where he comes up with a clever retort too late. :) I would just say, "No thank you, I can't wear one."
There is a special something about having stood our ground and not complied. I only wore a mask one time, and that was when I took a friend to visit her grandson in prison, and I wanted to see him, as well. But it felt so wrong and dirty that I swore I would never compromise myself again. I wouldn’t even pull a scarf over my mouth. That felt just as bad. I never did took a Covid test either. It's amazing how we survived.
I imagine someone has a mask story book in the works.
I hope you enjoy real-time with your family, dear Mary.
I like the idea of a "coming out"... like a Fairy Debutante! 🧚🏻♂️
I also have a hard time believing people still want to wear masks... but Elwood is helping me accept them where they are.
I hope your time with wise trees and rocks and the pond -- and any human beings that you deem worthy -- is filled with peace, Barbara. Love ya right back... xox
Maybe you know that Nietzsche said it was a granite boulder that gifted him with his 'eternal return' theory. And of course, Emerson gave the woods credit for inspiring his sermons. You're in good company there, Barbara.
I did not know that about Nietzsche, Kathleen! I'm not surprised...
I'll start with an idea for the book: It's August 2020, and I'm on a boat with my family in Northern Michigan. We head across the lake to a little outdoor restaurant. My entire family doesn't bat an eye...they all don their masks, walk down the dock to a table, and take them off. I stayed in the boat. The food was gross, anyway. I sound righteous, don't I? It is Sag Season... 🤭
The book is off and running! So hard to hear stories like that without wincing. Not your "righteousness," but their illogic. I just keep shaking my head.
Perhaps you do, somewhere.. How about Time magazine? I just learned it is owned by Benioff, of Salesforce. Ironically maybe a corporate-owned rag is more open-minded?
Thank you, yet again, Mary, for just the thing I needed to hear this morning, to help make me feel okay about myself. I had a zoom with family and friends yesterday, and as they often do, it left me feeling MORE separate and disconnected. There was something about this that reminded me to be more like Elwood... and just accept..... I hope you have a lovely holiday... PS I went and found Harvey online to watch later today... Thanks for that too!
Ugh. I know that disconnected feeling. I also have felt the power of acceptance in bringing me back to the fold. It's not perfect, but it's getting there...
Midnight in Japan, so will have to give this another deserving read tomorrow.
Though the characters Jimmy Stewart played are permanently etched into my ideals, and to some extent, Gregory Peck, I only vaguely remember Harvey. But as I was reading, I remembered a very short story I had memorized and acted out for students studying English as a Foreign Language here ... stopping just before the climax ("At a solemn signal ... ") and having the students finish the story by acting out their original endings.
I still have a cassette tape of Peter Ustinov reading Thurber's "Fables for Our Time".
Curious about any relationship to "Harvey", I ran a quick Perplexity Pro search. I found Thurber's story had appeared in The New Yorker in 1939, about 10 years before the movie, so I am guessing that theme had been in the air.
Further down, I was pleasantly surprised to see your reference to Gabor Maté. I have not yet read that book, so will look into reviews. Too back-logged to buy another just yet. But a few years ago, largely due to my occasional volunteer work with a group that serves the homeless in Tokyo, I read and enjoyed his "In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts" ... about his work with addiction and the homeless in Vancouver. It was when I followed a podcast that used to be run by Matt Taibbi and Katie Halper (Useful Idiots) that I discovered his son, Aaron Maté, is a journalist. Don't follow politics so directly much any more, but small world. Much thanks for being part of mine, and bringing back some good memories.
Hi Steve! Yes, I think Mary Chase must've encountered Thurber's story. They're so connected. I'm jazzed by the idea of the students acting out their own endings -- sounds like a true theatre improv class! I have to say, as an inveterate optimist I much prefer Chase's ending...😂
Full disclosure: I haven't read it yet, either. A friend had a copy that I skimmed and skipped through while I was visiting, and found some amazing nuggets. It's on my ever-expanding list.
Human nature — the good, the bad, and the ugly — just keeps a chuggin along. Nostalgic for those days of believable Hollywood heroes. Now neck deep in the plandemic of 'UFO' sightings and the arms of the corporate nation state herding us to let them "govern us harder, daddy".
I'm delighted to hear that 'scolianormativity' is your new favorite word. I'm pretty sure I coined it, first using it on FB with reference to Carol Black's essay in 2017, then in scattered occasions on social media. Delighted that the essay version is finally calling more attention to the concept!
Your article is brilliant, Michael, and I was so pleased to be introduced to your work. I'll go back into my essay to make sure the attribution is clear -- "scolianormativity" is a word whose time has come!
I wish I could tell you what my last 3 months have been. But I can't in detail because others are involved. I can say this, that I know now who literally entered my room that dark morning 3 years ago & flooded me with love. I have been shown glimpses of my afterlife, was blinded first by the light (if you've ever been snowblind, just like that) & then by my own tears. A years- long growing GI illness reached a crisis & He held me in his arms for 3 nights...& all symptoms are now gone. I finally understand why the tragedy that separated me from him when I was 17 had to happen -- to break a cycle of abuse/forgiveness that was destroying me -- & so my 4th house chiron is healed, all parties forgiven & my trust in him grows daily. Revelation by revelation, fears are unearthed & healed.
And he finally explained why, when asked his will, he always answered "do whatever you want, it doesn't matter."
His answer was "Do whatever you want. I just want you to be happy."
"Your work is done. I want you to rest."
"I want you to be happy. Just think of how much you love me. And how much I love you."
Now THAT is the kind of magic I'm talking about, SBW. Beautiful, shining, miraculous. Bless you and thank you for sharing it with us. I'm godsmacked. ❤️
And regarding Harvey. My dad said it’s just a movie but little green men are real when I asked if Harvey was real. He always said aliens are real and called them little green men. That was pretty strange. My mom said don’t disbelieve what you see in the real world. So a guess it was a teaching moment for them.
I was obviously too young to grasp all the psychology you point out. And the costumed rabbit just did not seem real. So my dad validated that it was just a story. Which I continued viewing movie plot lines with skepticism as I aged. Unfortunate because it obscured some good ones with important messaging that I later learned through sometimes unpleasant experience.
My parents were very reinforcing of each other. Even though they might disagree with each other they put on a unified face to us kids. They each encouraged exploration and curiosity. Always taking time to answer questions or guide toward further study. That was my mother’s always consistent message. Pay attention. If you question, don’t dismiss, look it up.
He often spoke of aliens. Saying he had seen them but never any detail. Also telling me that I would see them too. He joined the army at the end of WW2 serving in post war Germany and Japan saying he was just a motor pool Sargent. He never spoke of his experiences although I got the impression he was involved in moving German and Japanese equipment somewhere. He was fiercely anti-war and respectful of all people. I later realized he probably saw a lot of the post war atrocities. His deathbed rambling also gave me the impression he saw much more action than he ever discussed.
That's fascinating, Michael. Thank you for answering my question. I wonder if your dad didn't share more about aliens for fear of being labeled crazy? And I love that your mom encouraged curiosity and continued study. It seems clear that your views on education were shaped by that ability to keep questioning. Lucky to be raised with that as a central tenet! Best.
Great piece, Mary. I wasn't able to watch the film today. I think everyone got to it before me, because Amazon said "we're having trouble showing this now." See, Mary, the kind of impact you are capable of having on the course of events ??!!! Remember when I told you that you can write so convincingly about whatever you want, enough to be a damn good lawyer? Well, this kind of falls into the same category. I'll catch the film on the flip side. LOL xox
What an absolute pleasure to read - and clearly it's time to revisit 'Harvey' which I also just love. I think you've mined every gift from this gem, Mary.
Thank you for that honest account of going maskless. I'm sure many of your readers have their own stories on that. It's easy to miss the importance of those moments. Especially when it challenges all the programming we've digested about being a 'good' person as we being perceived as the 'bad' guy.
It's deeply uncomfortable and doing it - imho - is not only an act of courage, but an act of self-love. A reorientation back to sanity and re-claiming of our personal sovereignty. I truly believe it's far more important than what's too easily seen as small moment of defiance and has a significant ripple effect.
I have my own stories on masks, which I'll skip in favor of this little anecdote: Sitting with friends on NY's Eve - going into 2021. A couple of people (who I've known for decades but only see intermittently) were visiting from DC. They donned their masks in the small space we were sharing until a couple drinks loosened them up. One of two told a story of shopping and coming across a mask-less person. They were aghast at the selfishness and the callousness of this person. What an obvious asshole!
I listened and found myself nodding and smiling. One of them said, "Oh you must have come across one of those assholes too?"
"No. Actually I was smiling because I am that asshole in the grocery store. The one you cursed out. The one you assume is selfish and uncaring." The DC'ers exchange shocked looks. They waited with disapproving expressions for me to say more.
And I do. "You're welcome."
(Note-worthy, I too had a couple drinks by then. This gathering-party was a welcome break from the ongoing, hair-on-fire feeling that persisted through most of 2020. The jabs were coming out soon and this was a brief breather as it was clear a lot of pressure to jab was on the horizon. (The hosts' son and daughter in law, both Pfizer employees, were also at the party (not in the same room) and were making the rounds, answering questions on the upcoming vaccine which they provided with enthusiasm.))
I wasn't looking for an argument and I didn't have any intention of explaining myself. My 'you're welcome' comment came out spontaneously and without malice.
And funny enough that was the end of it. They didn't push for more explanation and I didn't provide it, but it felt in that moment like a small triumph. (I was, in refusing the mask, in service to others. It felt very good to quietly announce that.)
Reading this I saw I had an 'Elwood' moment. (Maybe imbibing a certain amount helps attain it? :-)
Elwood assumes and extends positive intent no matter what's happening. Zero defensiveness as he bypasses confrontation and explanation. Yes we can learn from this film.
Sorry for the looong comment. This clearly resonated!
Just wonderful, Mary. Thank you for finding those North Stars. ⭐️
I wish the very best of the very best of Christmas to you and yours. XOXO
🎄🥰❤️
Your "loooong" comment gave me goosebumps, Kathleen. I'm so proud to call you my friend. In your anecdote (which I am so glad you shared, btw) you did the hard work of compassion in service of truth -- truly an Elwood moment if there ever was one. And when I say hard work, I mean HARD, HARD work. It's one thing to be kind to kind people, but to choose to respond kindly in a situation like that... well, it's like crawling across broken glass, as my husband likes to say.
And I actually love that your spontaneous response was, "you're welcome." Something about that just delights me! Probably the Elwoodesque-ness of it 😊
I'm also glad you mentioned the role of alcohol! I had another small section of the piece that I decided needed to go for brevity's sake, which addressed alcohol's ability to "strip away our masks." I do think in certain situations, it helps us be more of who we really are inside. The problem comes when we start requiring it to be ourselves.
May your Christmas be oh-so-bright, dear one! xox
Agree, in the right doses and the right time, it's a helpful thing. Get that wrong and a whole other element comes in. That's the rub of it, right there. :-)
Thanks, Mary.
Dosage! Yes! I don't think many people realize it's medicine, not thirst-quencher, diversion, or crutch.
🎯
I had to chuckle - as I was writing my own version of Harvey, but mine with a channeled energy essence as opposed to a rabbit, this came in my email.
No accidents.
We are not going to change anyone else. And the cards were stacked in relation to masks and jabs - regardless of what anyone thought personally, corporate policy influenced by government pressure in favor of capitalist venture was going to rule the day. Threaten someone's livelihood and you can control them all day long. But we did what we could do at the time.
Look for my own story to come out later today I hope. I certainly enjoyed reading yours!
Perfect timing! No accidents, indeed. Thanks for the comment and I look forward to reading yours, Philip...
Love this so much. I watched Harvey when I was in high school and thought it was so dumb. But..I was the dumb one. The unseen is absolutely more real than the seen, and I embrace that fact. Otherwise, I am no more than what is easily seen on the outside. And the coin purse?!! There have been so many of those moments in our lives, and I embrace those little seeming inconveniences rather than let them make me tottered and blathered. Serenity through and through can save your life when you embrace the things you did not forsee as Divine. I remember when we were moving from CA to Idaho. Hubs was 2 hours ahead of me in the giant U-Haul with the dog. I was driving our conversion van with our 2 and 4 year olds. My daughter was balling and would not stop near Truckee. Unusual behavior. So I had to pull off into town, get her settled and take a break and we were only 2 hours into the trip! I was anxious to be off to reconnect with Hubs. But I tamped down the anxious and focused on her. After 20 minutes we were on the road. Turns out, on the dark and lonely Interstate 80, twenty minutes ahead of me, there happened a fiery wreck near Battle Mt. Nevada. Traffic was backed up and I was stopped not too far back from the accident. 20 minutes sooner and we would have been in it...and I thanked God for Truckee and the crying little girl as I watched 2 Life Flights take off in the middle of the freeway. Thank you for the reminder. Have a wonderful Festive Season.♥♥And...Merry Christmas, Harvey.
"tottered and blathered"!! Love this, SadieJay 😂.
What a fantastic example of acceptance/gratitude; thank you for telling us the story!
I end my vows every morning with: "All this I vow, with awe and delight in the Divinity of all." I put that in to remind myself that everything is for my awakening, even the crappy stuff. In fact, particularly the crappy stuff. :-)
Love to you and yours, SJ. xox
Thank you. I made those words up as I was writing because I just couldn’t even, at that moment. Lol. Especially the crappy stuff is right!! It makes the good things all that much sweeter. Love to you and yours as well.♥♥
What a great story. So true, we can't see all the workings going on, especially under the guise of delays and detours. Love it. Thanks for that, SJ.
Wow. You and Kathleen are hitting out of the park this weekend. I had similar mask instances. And escalations to the managers were worse. Somehow restrained my anger but eventually stopped going out sending family instead. Which they gladly did knowing my attitude and that one of those experiences was likely to land me in jail.
Thanks, Mike! Always honored to be in the same sentence with Kathleen 😊.
That's so funny -- I had that kind of attitude and reputation with our General Practitioner; my kids dreaded getting sick because I was like the Grand Inquisitor at doctor visits...😂
I had a similar thing with my sons. They were always offering to run errands for me. As my oldest said, "I don't wanna see you on a youtube clip, Mom."
😂
This hit on all cylinders! Jimmy Stewart (love him), masking, Harvey! A quote attributed to Van Gogh (another Elwoodesque kindred spirit) came to mind, “Normality is a paved road, comfortable to walk, but no flowers grow.” I’ll take Van Gogh’s flowers, compassion, and even madness…over soulless conformity.
Wow, I've never heard that quote, Tammy; thanks for sharing it! It's going above my desk. Grateful for the comment. ❤️
I adore that quote, and not surprised it came from Vincent. Who doesn't adore him? (Even though his parents never stopped worrying about him.)
Me too. :-)
His parents worried about him?
Yes they did. An ongoing source of concern. He tried following in his father's footsteps as a pastor for awhile, but in doing so felt he had to live in poverty.
They also arranged for an uncle who was an art-dealer to employ him, but that fell apart.
If not for Theo and his support (emotionally and financially) he would have likely starved. He only sold a single painting in his lifetime. Though at some point decades later, one of his paintings would fetch the most ever.
By conventional standards, Vincent was a failure. Fortunately he and Theo wrote many letters to each other and so we see his intellect and his integrity and compassionate heart. I tend to agree with Don Mcleans lyrics from his song,
'Vincent'. "...this world was never meant for one as beautiful as you."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4wrNFDxCRzU
Though it's assumed he killed himself, there is a compelling theory that he did not. (I don't think he did either.) :-)
Oh my! I didn't know any of this. I probably should watch that move about him and Theo... unless it mischaracterizes the truth, which is more than possible.
Thank you for this, Kathleen. As I struggle forward in ascertaining my "purpose," I find his story inspiring. And sad and grim. But overall instructive, for certain.
And listening to McLean's homage brought the sting of tears. The phrase "how you suffered for your sanity" coupled with "they could not listen, they did not know how" cracked me wide open. So poignant and true, in ways I couldn't understand fully until covid.
You expand my world in all the ways I need. 🙏🏼 xoxox
Yes, that song goes right in! My favorite.
FWIW I don't think you need to ascertain your purpose. It's already built in and you can't get away from it. None of us can imo. Not to say that inquiry isn't in the mix.
Mostly though when we get out of the way and just do what we are pulled to; what feels right, our purpose is unleashed and flows. That's my working hypothesis anyway. And honestly as one of your readers, you seem very much aligned to your purpose - don't think you'd be so clear and bright if you weren't.
XOX
hola, mpm.
wow, this was a lovely beautiful revisit for me with harvey! when i was in high school, 1977-8 i auditioned for and received the part of Elwood P. Dowd. it was an incredible experience for me in all ways, given i was not really an actor and there i was, front and centre. given the traumatic nature of my childhood, standing on stage and facing my demon of imperfection in front of the audience was powerfully liberating.
at the same time, because of the nature of my family's position about things like this, the real existence of harvey wasn't considered out of the park loco. such a curious contrast: facing fear of imperfection while accepting as possible the reality of harvey's in our life who can help us in some way, even if just to lighten up and not take ourselves so seriously.
thank you for the wonderful re-energising of those memories and now, beyond that, a wonderful piece to reflect on what is crazy and what is being alive. in a way, you have approached the challenges of living in a toxic culture from the opposite direction of gabor maté.
all the best with what is changing. everything changes! with peace, respect, love and exuberant joy.
🙏❤️🧘♂️🙌☯️🙌🧘♂️❤️🙏
Such a beautiful story, Guy. I'm so happy that this piece brought you back to a significant, earlier time! I loved reading about your experience onstage, and the living paradox of perfection vs. play. I've struggled with that myself.
I'm curious: how would you characterize Gabor Mate's approach to living in a toxic culture? If you feel like expounding, I'm all ears.
With all love and exuberant joy returning to you! (Those emojis are PERFECT.) xox
hola,mpm.
(glad the emojis aligned with the magical experience of perfection without perfection being the aim! kudos to the mark and the arrow coming together without either 'trying' to make the hit.)
my link to maté was very intuitive and with your question i found myself going into my head to remember what i was 'thinking' — to discover that what i was thinking wasn't actually a thought and so i was a bit flummoxed! lol!
so i paused, took a breath and then, rightly or wrongly, revisited some maté to stimulate with his words what had become non-verbal in order to bring forward from that non-verbal world what i was non-thinking. and my feeling with that is that your sharing was coming from a place of relaxed control and openness to the possibility that we really don't know our asses from holes in the ground, to put it colourfully. and maté is getting to a similar position after reading millions of word, thousands of articles, hundreds of books to conclude something similar. yet from what i've read, so far, he hasn't expressed that he has taken the last step in what i've read — although perhaps he has in living it, since it is largely non-verbal.
your essay has an inherent wholeness to it, its a subtle reading of the ego's need to control and to be seen. and in some ways maté's take is still in a kind of controlling way, in which the fix is to make the unseen seen rather than resting with what is unseen as unseen. the latter has been, i understand more clearly in the last year or two, the process of trust-falling into the unknown, that unseen 'thing' from which no traveller returns — maybe! and maté, as a physician schooled by western science seems to me to be still connected to seeing before trusting; he uses well the connections he sees in how the indigenous cultures, buddha, and science and the like, see everything as interconnected — which is huge! and in fact a big part of my own perspective. the next step is to step off the cliff of life with confidence that the unseen is what buddha and all the others were talking about. challenging!
at least that is what i 'think' i was feeling when i dashed off without much thought that comment.
i really appreciate your asking as it gave to me more opportunity to rest in imperfection — always a great practice! and it also provided some clarity by shining my attention on these ideas in a way i wouldn't normally do. great stuff.
all the best with what is changing. everything changes! with peace, respect, love and exuberant joy.
🙏❤️🧘♂️🙌☯️🙌🧘♂️❤️🙏
Oh good god, Guy, what you've written here is brilliant. Now that you've articulated it, I see exactly what you felt. This sentence in particular: "the fix is to make the unseen seen rather than resting with what is unseen as unseen." YES. And that's the job of the ARTIST, not the physician or scientist. Writing poetry scratches that itch, so to speak, to simply put words to the unseen as I feel it. But when I write an essay, my schooling kicks in and I feel the need to defend with evidence what I just KNOW as an artist. Sometimes I give in to that need, but more and more, I'm allowing myself to not.
You're right, too, in that seeing the interconnectedness is HUGE, and yet the next step is surrendering into it fully -- as you so neatly put it: "step off the cliff of life with confidence." Workin' on that. 😂
Deeply grateful for your continued insights. xox
😳☺️😁
i confess to blushing a little and being delighted that this resonated with you so well. and, equally, your insights and perspectives expand joy and reduce suffering! wonderful.
all the best with what is changing. everything changes! with peace, respect, love and exuberant joy.
🙏❤️🧘♂️🙌☯️🙌🧘♂️❤️🙏
Another wonderful share, Mary! I've never seen "Harvey," but I'm guessing I would have loved hanging with both Elwood and Harvey. I just came in from the woods, where I stopped to chat with Mr. Wise, an ancient boulder I befriended when I first moved here. He’s so…Wise. :)
It’s a sort of “coming out” when you start to share about fairies and trees talking and rocks giving Wise counsel. It’s just part of who I am, and I notice that by being my authentic I- believe-in-Magic self, the right people show up.
It was the same way for me with the “mask situation.” I’ve been a shy person my entire life and pretty much of a rule-follower. Not a fan of attention. But that mask business stunk/stank? of BS so much that I couldn’t believe people were falling for it. I still can’t. I have way too many stories to share. Like you, I got tongue-tied for a clever response when confronted. (I’m a bit like George Costanza in the Jerk Store episode, where he comes up with a clever retort too late. :) I would just say, "No thank you, I can't wear one."
There is a special something about having stood our ground and not complied. I only wore a mask one time, and that was when I took a friend to visit her grandson in prison, and I wanted to see him, as well. But it felt so wrong and dirty that I swore I would never compromise myself again. I wouldn’t even pull a scarf over my mouth. That felt just as bad. I never did took a Covid test either. It's amazing how we survived.
I imagine someone has a mask story book in the works.
I hope you enjoy real-time with your family, dear Mary.
Much Love, Barbara XO
I like the idea of a "coming out"... like a Fairy Debutante! 🧚🏻♂️
I also have a hard time believing people still want to wear masks... but Elwood is helping me accept them where they are.
I hope your time with wise trees and rocks and the pond -- and any human beings that you deem worthy -- is filled with peace, Barbara. Love ya right back... xox
Maybe you know that Nietzsche said it was a granite boulder that gifted him with his 'eternal return' theory. And of course, Emerson gave the woods credit for inspiring his sermons. You're in good company there, Barbara.
A mask book is a great idea!
I did not know that about Nietzsche, Kathleen! I'm not surprised...
I'll start with an idea for the book: It's August 2020, and I'm on a boat with my family in Northern Michigan. We head across the lake to a little outdoor restaurant. My entire family doesn't bat an eye...they all don their masks, walk down the dock to a table, and take them off. I stayed in the boat. The food was gross, anyway. I sound righteous, don't I? It is Sag Season... 🤭
The book is off and running! So hard to hear stories like that without wincing. Not your "righteousness," but their illogic. I just keep shaking my head.
I didn't know that about Nietzche, either. All the best ideas come from Nature!
No you don't sound righteous at all. You sound sane in an insane world. :-)
Also, I just noticed that it was a GRANITE boulder!! 🤭 NH is the GRANITE STATE! 🥰
😂
It’s just that we Sagittarians need to be mindful of our shadowy righteousness! ♐️ 🤭😂
Mary, You are such a talented writer and beautiful soul! Thank you for this. Absolutely lovely.
This needs to be published broadly, in a Sunday edition of NYT or whatever people who aren’t on SS read over Sunday am coffee.
I'm humbled. Thank you, CM. Wish I had my own Harvey who could deliver it to the desk of someone who has the courage to publish it there...😉
Perhaps you do, somewhere.. How about Time magazine? I just learned it is owned by Benioff, of Salesforce. Ironically maybe a corporate-owned rag is more open-minded?
🎯
Thank you, yet again, Mary, for just the thing I needed to hear this morning, to help make me feel okay about myself. I had a zoom with family and friends yesterday, and as they often do, it left me feeling MORE separate and disconnected. There was something about this that reminded me to be more like Elwood... and just accept..... I hope you have a lovely holiday... PS I went and found Harvey online to watch later today... Thanks for that too!
Ugh. I know that disconnected feeling. I also have felt the power of acceptance in bringing me back to the fold. It's not perfect, but it's getting there...
If you watch Harvey, let me know what you think!!
Grateful for you, Barbara. xox
I'm gonna watch it later too. Yes, this a powerful post full of important insights. I needed it too.
Hi Mary.
Midnight in Japan, so will have to give this another deserving read tomorrow.
Though the characters Jimmy Stewart played are permanently etched into my ideals, and to some extent, Gregory Peck, I only vaguely remember Harvey. But as I was reading, I remembered a very short story I had memorized and acted out for students studying English as a Foreign Language here ... stopping just before the climax ("At a solemn signal ... ") and having the students finish the story by acting out their original endings.
http://mothergoosecaboose.com/R%26W_TheUnicorn.pdf
I still have a cassette tape of Peter Ustinov reading Thurber's "Fables for Our Time".
Curious about any relationship to "Harvey", I ran a quick Perplexity Pro search. I found Thurber's story had appeared in The New Yorker in 1939, about 10 years before the movie, so I am guessing that theme had been in the air.
Further down, I was pleasantly surprised to see your reference to Gabor Maté. I have not yet read that book, so will look into reviews. Too back-logged to buy another just yet. But a few years ago, largely due to my occasional volunteer work with a group that serves the homeless in Tokyo, I read and enjoyed his "In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts" ... about his work with addiction and the homeless in Vancouver. It was when I followed a podcast that used to be run by Matt Taibbi and Katie Halper (Useful Idiots) that I discovered his son, Aaron Maté, is a journalist. Don't follow politics so directly much any more, but small world. Much thanks for being part of mine, and bringing back some good memories.
Cheers Mary.
Hi Steve! Yes, I think Mary Chase must've encountered Thurber's story. They're so connected. I'm jazzed by the idea of the students acting out their own endings -- sounds like a true theatre improv class! I have to say, as an inveterate optimist I much prefer Chase's ending...😂
Full disclosure: I haven't read it yet, either. A friend had a copy that I skimmed and skipped through while I was visiting, and found some amazing nuggets. It's on my ever-expanding list.
Big hugs! xox
Hugs from Japan Mary.
Human nature — the good, the bad, and the ugly — just keeps a chuggin along. Nostalgic for those days of believable Hollywood heroes. Now neck deep in the plandemic of 'UFO' sightings and the arms of the corporate nation state herding us to let them "govern us harder, daddy".
Hugs Mary
I'm delighted to hear that 'scolianormativity' is your new favorite word. I'm pretty sure I coined it, first using it on FB with reference to Carol Black's essay in 2017, then in scattered occasions on social media. Delighted that the essay version is finally calling more attention to the concept!
Your article is brilliant, Michael, and I was so pleased to be introduced to your work. I'll go back into my essay to make sure the attribution is clear -- "scolianormativity" is a word whose time has come!
I wish I could tell you what my last 3 months have been. But I can't in detail because others are involved. I can say this, that I know now who literally entered my room that dark morning 3 years ago & flooded me with love. I have been shown glimpses of my afterlife, was blinded first by the light (if you've ever been snowblind, just like that) & then by my own tears. A years- long growing GI illness reached a crisis & He held me in his arms for 3 nights...& all symptoms are now gone. I finally understand why the tragedy that separated me from him when I was 17 had to happen -- to break a cycle of abuse/forgiveness that was destroying me -- & so my 4th house chiron is healed, all parties forgiven & my trust in him grows daily. Revelation by revelation, fears are unearthed & healed.
And he finally explained why, when asked his will, he always answered "do whatever you want, it doesn't matter."
His answer was "Do whatever you want. I just want you to be happy."
"Your work is done. I want you to rest."
"I want you to be happy. Just think of how much you love me. And how much I love you."
Now THAT is the kind of magic I'm talking about, SBW. Beautiful, shining, miraculous. Bless you and thank you for sharing it with us. I'm godsmacked. ❤️
🥰❤️
Oh! I forgot to say how much I appreciated your mask story. Atta girl! Way to go!
I can empathize with you being stumped for a retort to the Moe's manager, but the important thing is that you took a stand and pushed back.
Thanks, Rocket! It took me a while to find my resolve, but once I found it, I never let it go. xox
And regarding Harvey. My dad said it’s just a movie but little green men are real when I asked if Harvey was real. He always said aliens are real and called them little green men. That was pretty strange. My mom said don’t disbelieve what you see in the real world. So a guess it was a teaching moment for them.
Enjoy your holiday.
I love the contrast between the responses of your parents! What did you end up taking away from their teaching? Just curious...
Thanks for your comments, and happy holidays to you!
I was obviously too young to grasp all the psychology you point out. And the costumed rabbit just did not seem real. So my dad validated that it was just a story. Which I continued viewing movie plot lines with skepticism as I aged. Unfortunate because it obscured some good ones with important messaging that I later learned through sometimes unpleasant experience.
My parents were very reinforcing of each other. Even though they might disagree with each other they put on a unified face to us kids. They each encouraged exploration and curiosity. Always taking time to answer questions or guide toward further study. That was my mother’s always consistent message. Pay attention. If you question, don’t dismiss, look it up.
He often spoke of aliens. Saying he had seen them but never any detail. Also telling me that I would see them too. He joined the army at the end of WW2 serving in post war Germany and Japan saying he was just a motor pool Sargent. He never spoke of his experiences although I got the impression he was involved in moving German and Japanese equipment somewhere. He was fiercely anti-war and respectful of all people. I later realized he probably saw a lot of the post war atrocities. His deathbed rambling also gave me the impression he saw much more action than he ever discussed.
That's fascinating, Michael. Thank you for answering my question. I wonder if your dad didn't share more about aliens for fear of being labeled crazy? And I love that your mom encouraged curiosity and continued study. It seems clear that your views on education were shaped by that ability to keep questioning. Lucky to be raised with that as a central tenet! Best.
Thank you so very much!!! This made my week🥰🥰🥰.
I'm so glad, Kelliann! Letting me know made MINE. xox
Great piece, Mary. I wasn't able to watch the film today. I think everyone got to it before me, because Amazon said "we're having trouble showing this now." See, Mary, the kind of impact you are capable of having on the course of events ??!!! Remember when I told you that you can write so convincingly about whatever you want, enough to be a damn good lawyer? Well, this kind of falls into the same category. I'll catch the film on the flip side. LOL xox
That is so funny. If only I had THAT kind of reach...😂
Let me know if you watch it -- I'd love to hear what you think!
Love, MPM (Me, Perry Mason)