Our teachers come in many forms and the lessons they teach us are often not the ones we think we are learning. From my new book Comfort In Darkness about my Jiu Jitsu teacher, Rickson Gracie, and his ongoing battle with Parkinson's and to a lesser extent, our 30 year friendship: "After many of my long and exhausting investigative trips overseas, I would clear customs at LAX, then drive straight to Rickson’s house. I would arrive unannounced, still reeking of wood smoke, dust, and stale sweat. I was eager to sigh a big breath of relief and tell my friend and teacher about my latest discoveries and martial encounters. 'Fala Champion,' he would say with an always-welcoming, but slightly bemused, smile. As he hugged me, like always, he took my measure. Rickson could always sense when I had been running on minimal sleep, adrenaline, coffee, PowerBars, cigarettes, beer, and Valium for weeks on end. Before I could open my briefcase and start my show-and-tell, he would say, 'Take off your boots, let’s play around a little bit.' Sometimes he gave me Gi pants to put on, but often I trained in the same dirty clothes that I had been wearing for days. What I did not realize until many years later was that Rickson sensed my imbalance, and he was using Jiu Jitsu to slow me down, center me, and pull me back down to earth....It took me many years to realize that more than the ability to perform arm locks, chokes, and throws, Rickson gave me the confidence to fight for what I believe is right, speak truth to power no matter the consequences, protect those who do not have the power to protect themselves, and stay calm and improvise when plans A, B, and C fail. This, in short, is “Invisible Jiu Jitsu” and I will carry it with me until the day I die."
Peter, I just read the essay you just published -- from which your comment is excerpted. It's phenomenal. I'm linking it here so my readers can find it:
How can it be that we both published essays about our teachers within hours of each other?? I'm pre-ordering a copy of your book, and can't wait to dive in. Thank you for bringing Gracie into my world, and yourself, too. xox
Thanks for the kind words Mary. I wanted to send you a copy but did not know where to send it. He touches on many themes I read in your essays. Rickson is in Vero Beach Florida now and still teaching. Is that close to you?
I wouldn't turn down a copy of your book -- I would be delighted to gift it to one of my kids who read your essay and LOVED it. I'll DM you through Substack with my address. Thank you so much!
And Vero Beach is about 3.5 hours from me. If he were closer, my husband Pete (who also read your essay and loved it) would study with him. By a perfect twist of fate, Pete has been talking in the past month about wanting to learn Jiu Jitsu. Finding a solid teacher -- and a healthy community -- seems key. Know anyone in the north-of-Tampa area, by chance?
Thank you Mary for that 'window' you so lovingly created into Judy's life.
Great beings can live quiet lives. Remarkable. So ahead of her time. Humble and wise. After a full century I imagine she was more than ready to drop the body and lighten up. :-)
I wish her well on her travels. 🙏
What a gift her life was and it's so gratifying to read how you understood that.
Thank you for your comment, Kathleen! I agree, she was an exceptional human being. Harder to accept your placing me in that category, but I appreciate the attempt to do so... ❤️😂
I love how Judy planted seeds of wisdom in you that would awaken and blossom in due time. Life truly provides us with everything we need. It’s a beautiful tribute to a beautiful soul by a beautiful soul.🤩
Love that you shared your relationship with Judy here. She reminds me of the women in my family, mother, grandmother, great grandmother all ahead of their time, unconventional upstream swimmers. What a blessing her embodied life was and I love that you end by acknowledging that you are still walking together, Judy just in spirit form. Wonderful honoring - Love you Mary🙏
It makes so much sense that Judy's story would resonate with you. Never having met your mom, but knowing her presence and impact in your life, I can see the red thread that ties her and Judy (and the lineage that stands behind you) all together. Great souls, all. Love you, too, Cath...xox
What a remarkable woman!! And you write of her with such reverence! When I read your words, I see you in similar light, covered in grace and love and I simply know your centennial will be just as celebrated.
I remember you telling me you knew someone who healed naturally from cancer as I embarked on my own healing journey. It helped me stand firmer in my conviction. Thank you for providing further context for this quiet and loving trailblazer. If only we could all carry a bit of Judy inside us. ❤️
Reverence, yes. I felt so happy to honor her in some small but heartfelt way.
I'm so glad that telling you her story at the beginning of your journey bolstered your strength to follow your own instincts. You're a trailblazer, too, ya know. Your journey is an inspiration to so many...
My dearest hope is that anyone who reads this WILL carry a bit of Judy! Thanks so much for this comment, Tonika.
One of my all time Top Ten favorite books and one that has influenced me greatly for the past 35 years is author Norman Cousin's, Anatomy of an Illness. Not only a great writer but a great soul. I had the pleasure of meeting him at a Hospice Dedication in Pasadena, CA four months before he died. He was someone who simply radiated health, love and goodwill.
When he found himself facing an illness that the best medical professionals could not diagnose not to mention effectively treat, he took matters into his own hands. He figured out how to heal himself. Self knowledge, self responsibility, and his creative thinking as well as de-stressing his life saved the day. It's a remarkable story; highly recommended, :).......
Judy recommended that book to me when my mom was diagnosed. He was instrumental in fostering my understanding of how healing actually happens. It's an "inside job." :-)
How beautiful that you met Cousins! He was such a bright light for so many. Thanks for the comment, sojourner.
This article gave me chills throughout. I kept waiting for them to subside, then I'd read a new line and a wave of goosebumps would crash over me. I don't have words to describe how profoundly it affected me. And it's no passing, temporary thing to have 30 yrs of solid experience to show that cancer can be cured--not just put in 'remission' like it's always lurking in the wings, waiting for its cue.
Your/ her perspective of being grateful for illness to let you know something's out of balance. WOW. And I love how the photos at the end rhyme with each other, the more recent on ascending with the same angle, the same expression. I'm certain that, just as you are who you are because of Judy, she was/is who she is/was because of you. We all need someone who truly sees us before we become.
That's phenomenal, Tereza. I've never read a response like yours before -- I have to say, that's mighty satisfying to have that effect! 😜
I was stunned to go through the very few pictures I took at her birthday party and find that I had taken one that exactly mirrored the black and white pic from her wedding day... That one was pinned on a board at the party and I took a picture of it totally on instinct.
I'm becoming more and more attuned to intuition and it never fails to Godsmack me. (That's an autocorrect for gobsmack. I'll take it. Happily. 😂)
Thank you for the gift of your presence, friend! Xox
This story touched my Soul - thank you MPM for sharing your heart & the loving experience you shared with Judy. She sounds like an Angel with her wings tucked inside. Blessings, love & light ...
I read a bit of this when you published it, and already wanted to offer a comment - but as you know, I have been (and still am) rather buried in the monumental task of my book.
Anyway, today is the day. I just read the whole of it. It is beautiful. It brought tears to my eyes - by no means the first of your posts to do so. It is also brought to mind the serendipitous meetings in my own life with those who became for me sources of magic and guided my searching footsteps. (Likewise now passed, and likewise still with me).
I especially wanted to respond to 'that question' of what makes some of us swim upstream. Of the many fellow upstream-swimmers I have met in my life, I'd say the most common theme I've seen is that most had some kind of trauma or difficult early life which led them to question things. Karmically, that still leaves the question of why those things happened...
I think we come into the world already searching, even if for the longest time we didn't know what we were searching for. Certainly true for me. Born with a yearning in the soul, and took a very long time even to get an idea what it was a yearning for.... and guided by serendipitous meetings like yours with Judy.
So I suppose that as we pass from life to life, if all goes well, we come to the point where we have to KNOW even if we don't know what it is we have to know. And spirit responds with traumas of awakening, and serendipitous meetings...
I feel foolish now for try to speak of the ineffable... but grateful for your stirring in me thoughts on such themes, and memories of the 'magicians' on my own path. I feel almost like I know Judy - a fellow upstream swimmer. XOXO
Who better than you to speak of the ineffable? You said it beautifully, and I agree with your conclusions about trauma or early difficulties. The unsung gift of those wounds, yes? My mom died 35 years ago this month, and though I miss her still every day, I know the loss vaulted me into the life I was meant to lead.
I'm so glad you read this, and commented, and that Judy's story reached your heart. It's no surprise to me that you've been blessed with your own magicians -- love that idea -- given your insights.
Thanks for your friendship, Michael. Keep swimming! xox!
This is such a beautiful tribute to your trailblazing friend Judy. How special it is to read about her and to know it’s people like her who blazed a new trail (even if part of that was reclaiming lost knowledge and traditions) for the rest of us who have sought to step out of conventional paths. Reading about her reminds me of my older and wiser friend, Barbara.
Our teachers come in many forms and the lessons they teach us are often not the ones we think we are learning. From my new book Comfort In Darkness about my Jiu Jitsu teacher, Rickson Gracie, and his ongoing battle with Parkinson's and to a lesser extent, our 30 year friendship: "After many of my long and exhausting investigative trips overseas, I would clear customs at LAX, then drive straight to Rickson’s house. I would arrive unannounced, still reeking of wood smoke, dust, and stale sweat. I was eager to sigh a big breath of relief and tell my friend and teacher about my latest discoveries and martial encounters. 'Fala Champion,' he would say with an always-welcoming, but slightly bemused, smile. As he hugged me, like always, he took my measure. Rickson could always sense when I had been running on minimal sleep, adrenaline, coffee, PowerBars, cigarettes, beer, and Valium for weeks on end. Before I could open my briefcase and start my show-and-tell, he would say, 'Take off your boots, let’s play around a little bit.' Sometimes he gave me Gi pants to put on, but often I trained in the same dirty clothes that I had been wearing for days. What I did not realize until many years later was that Rickson sensed my imbalance, and he was using Jiu Jitsu to slow me down, center me, and pull me back down to earth....It took me many years to realize that more than the ability to perform arm locks, chokes, and throws, Rickson gave me the confidence to fight for what I believe is right, speak truth to power no matter the consequences, protect those who do not have the power to protect themselves, and stay calm and improvise when plans A, B, and C fail. This, in short, is “Invisible Jiu Jitsu” and I will carry it with me until the day I die."
Peter, I just read the essay you just published -- from which your comment is excerpted. It's phenomenal. I'm linking it here so my readers can find it:
https://petermaguire.substack.com/p/comfort-in-darkness?utm_campaign=email-half-post&r=t8svd&utm_source=substack&utm_medium=email
How can it be that we both published essays about our teachers within hours of each other?? I'm pre-ordering a copy of your book, and can't wait to dive in. Thank you for bringing Gracie into my world, and yourself, too. xox
Thanks for the kind words Mary. I wanted to send you a copy but did not know where to send it. He touches on many themes I read in your essays. Rickson is in Vero Beach Florida now and still teaching. Is that close to you?
I wouldn't turn down a copy of your book -- I would be delighted to gift it to one of my kids who read your essay and LOVED it. I'll DM you through Substack with my address. Thank you so much!
And Vero Beach is about 3.5 hours from me. If he were closer, my husband Pete (who also read your essay and loved it) would study with him. By a perfect twist of fate, Pete has been talking in the past month about wanting to learn Jiu Jitsu. Finding a solid teacher -- and a healthy community -- seems key. Know anyone in the north-of-Tampa area, by chance?
This was such a blessing & so much of it resonated with me . 🙏🏽❤️thank you for sharing
So glad to hear, Bobbie. You're very welcome.
Thank you Mary for that 'window' you so lovingly created into Judy's life.
Great beings can live quiet lives. Remarkable. So ahead of her time. Humble and wise. After a full century I imagine she was more than ready to drop the body and lighten up. :-)
I wish her well on her travels. 🙏
What a gift her life was and it's so gratifying to read how you understood that.
Much appreciation for the sharing. ❤️
Exceptional humans, both of you. XOXO
Thank you for your comment, Kathleen! I agree, she was an exceptional human being. Harder to accept your placing me in that category, but I appreciate the attempt to do so... ❤️😂
"Harder to accept your placing me in that category..."
Well, not from where I'm sitting. :-)
Thank you Mary, for sharing your dear friend Judy.
Along life's path we run into some of the most incredible people.
Judy was a gem, wow. Beautiful inside and out. Brilliant Judy is now in Heaven.
The last of the greatest Generation are leaving us with what they have laid out.
I feel so fortunate to be a product of that generation. Now we are left with incredible memories of the best times
Yes to all of your kind words about her -- truth, every bit of it. And I agree, they are leaving us to carry on their good works...xox
I love how Judy planted seeds of wisdom in you that would awaken and blossom in due time. Life truly provides us with everything we need. It’s a beautiful tribute to a beautiful soul by a beautiful soul.🤩
She was, indeed, a gardener. Thank you, Katie. So appreciated. xox
Beautiful.
Love that you shared your relationship with Judy here. She reminds me of the women in my family, mother, grandmother, great grandmother all ahead of their time, unconventional upstream swimmers. What a blessing her embodied life was and I love that you end by acknowledging that you are still walking together, Judy just in spirit form. Wonderful honoring - Love you Mary🙏
It makes so much sense that Judy's story would resonate with you. Never having met your mom, but knowing her presence and impact in your life, I can see the red thread that ties her and Judy (and the lineage that stands behind you) all together. Great souls, all. Love you, too, Cath...xox
What a remarkable woman!! And you write of her with such reverence! When I read your words, I see you in similar light, covered in grace and love and I simply know your centennial will be just as celebrated.
I remember you telling me you knew someone who healed naturally from cancer as I embarked on my own healing journey. It helped me stand firmer in my conviction. Thank you for providing further context for this quiet and loving trailblazer. If only we could all carry a bit of Judy inside us. ❤️
Reverence, yes. I felt so happy to honor her in some small but heartfelt way.
I'm so glad that telling you her story at the beginning of your journey bolstered your strength to follow your own instincts. You're a trailblazer, too, ya know. Your journey is an inspiration to so many...
My dearest hope is that anyone who reads this WILL carry a bit of Judy! Thanks so much for this comment, Tonika.
😍🥰 is inevitable!
One of my all time Top Ten favorite books and one that has influenced me greatly for the past 35 years is author Norman Cousin's, Anatomy of an Illness. Not only a great writer but a great soul. I had the pleasure of meeting him at a Hospice Dedication in Pasadena, CA four months before he died. He was someone who simply radiated health, love and goodwill.
When he found himself facing an illness that the best medical professionals could not diagnose not to mention effectively treat, he took matters into his own hands. He figured out how to heal himself. Self knowledge, self responsibility, and his creative thinking as well as de-stressing his life saved the day. It's a remarkable story; highly recommended, :).......
Judy recommended that book to me when my mom was diagnosed. He was instrumental in fostering my understanding of how healing actually happens. It's an "inside job." :-)
How beautiful that you met Cousins! He was such a bright light for so many. Thanks for the comment, sojourner.
Now it feels like Sunday.
🙏🏼
👍
This article gave me chills throughout. I kept waiting for them to subside, then I'd read a new line and a wave of goosebumps would crash over me. I don't have words to describe how profoundly it affected me. And it's no passing, temporary thing to have 30 yrs of solid experience to show that cancer can be cured--not just put in 'remission' like it's always lurking in the wings, waiting for its cue.
Your/ her perspective of being grateful for illness to let you know something's out of balance. WOW. And I love how the photos at the end rhyme with each other, the more recent on ascending with the same angle, the same expression. I'm certain that, just as you are who you are because of Judy, she was/is who she is/was because of you. We all need someone who truly sees us before we become.
Thank you for sharing Judy with me.
That's phenomenal, Tereza. I've never read a response like yours before -- I have to say, that's mighty satisfying to have that effect! 😜
I was stunned to go through the very few pictures I took at her birthday party and find that I had taken one that exactly mirrored the black and white pic from her wedding day... That one was pinned on a board at the party and I took a picture of it totally on instinct.
I'm becoming more and more attuned to intuition and it never fails to Godsmack me. (That's an autocorrect for gobsmack. I'll take it. Happily. 😂)
Thank you for the gift of your presence, friend! Xox
Godsmack! Brilliant, autocorrect. First time I've ever complimented it.
Yes! Brilliant! It's now firmly ensconced in my lexicon.
Thank you for this. No words...
❤️
This story touched my Soul - thank you MPM for sharing your heart & the loving experience you shared with Judy. She sounds like an Angel with her wings tucked inside. Blessings, love & light ...
"...an Angel with her wings tucked inside." Yes. Perfect. Thank you, Susan.
Hi Mary - a late-coming comment...
I read a bit of this when you published it, and already wanted to offer a comment - but as you know, I have been (and still am) rather buried in the monumental task of my book.
Anyway, today is the day. I just read the whole of it. It is beautiful. It brought tears to my eyes - by no means the first of your posts to do so. It is also brought to mind the serendipitous meetings in my own life with those who became for me sources of magic and guided my searching footsteps. (Likewise now passed, and likewise still with me).
I especially wanted to respond to 'that question' of what makes some of us swim upstream. Of the many fellow upstream-swimmers I have met in my life, I'd say the most common theme I've seen is that most had some kind of trauma or difficult early life which led them to question things. Karmically, that still leaves the question of why those things happened...
I think we come into the world already searching, even if for the longest time we didn't know what we were searching for. Certainly true for me. Born with a yearning in the soul, and took a very long time even to get an idea what it was a yearning for.... and guided by serendipitous meetings like yours with Judy.
So I suppose that as we pass from life to life, if all goes well, we come to the point where we have to KNOW even if we don't know what it is we have to know. And spirit responds with traumas of awakening, and serendipitous meetings...
I feel foolish now for try to speak of the ineffable... but grateful for your stirring in me thoughts on such themes, and memories of the 'magicians' on my own path. I feel almost like I know Judy - a fellow upstream swimmer. XOXO
Who better than you to speak of the ineffable? You said it beautifully, and I agree with your conclusions about trauma or early difficulties. The unsung gift of those wounds, yes? My mom died 35 years ago this month, and though I miss her still every day, I know the loss vaulted me into the life I was meant to lead.
I'm so glad you read this, and commented, and that Judy's story reached your heart. It's no surprise to me that you've been blessed with your own magicians -- love that idea -- given your insights.
Thanks for your friendship, Michael. Keep swimming! xox!
You too my friend.
This is such a beautiful tribute to your trailblazing friend Judy. How special it is to read about her and to know it’s people like her who blazed a new trail (even if part of that was reclaiming lost knowledge and traditions) for the rest of us who have sought to step out of conventional paths. Reading about her reminds me of my older and wiser friend, Barbara.
Seems that Judy could stay on planet Earth for so long, because her way was so much fun. 👍🏼