Wow. That was so beautiful how you tied all of this together with your personal experience. The idea of a re-Union to appeal as a state of the union (or dis-union) is so simple and still such a hurdle for this polarising country. Now, I have to wonder, how many Americans come remotely close to being as open minded and as great of a listener as you, Mary. I mean, can you imagine if we asked the Congress to do some damn improv games. A little, say “yes” or pass the clap in them Capitol Hill chambers? A little contact improv? I’d call it Political Comm-Union.
Fabulous piece. So nice to hear more about your trip.
I'm laughing so hard... that's just brilliant!! I can think of SO MANY games I'd like to see them play. We could charge big money for tickets to watch... and maybe they have to participate to seek re-election?? This is getting FUN. 😂
Thank you, Mary! That was beautiful and hopeful and very grounded and real. (Which means optimism is far from naive.)
I so appreciate your SOTU take and completely agree - getting out on the road is a great way to see what's really happening on the ground.
I just loved hearing about your reunion. Personal connection, investment in others - and yes - listening - are the stepping stones to rebuilding our world; the new human-centric version emerging.
It is quite astounding - the enclaves and the places in between those enclaves.
A short story about that very subject:
Last time I was on the Cape visiting a sister who lives half the year there, we were walking the neighborhood and I said something about how easy it is to forget how crazy things are, and how hard it is for so many people when you're plopped down in such a a prosperous neighborhood. (And indeed it's pretty great for those who can live there!)
Later when we went to their club for dinner I chatted with a waitress who explained the challenge of getting to the job - that where they used to have places for seasonal workers to live, now they don't, and so she has to commute over an hour by bus to get there. I could tell she was uncomfortable just telling me since she didn't want to sound like she was complaining.
Next day I chatted with a wealthy man who also complained - his was about how hard it is to get good workers and it was such a shame that so many restaurants can't stay open 7 days a week given the lack of 'good help'.
I would have loved to facilitate a conversation between him and the waitress. They likely could have come up with solutions - in fact he probably had a guest house she could have stayed in.
Surely we can do better than these stories describe.
Thank you, Mary. Excellent insights and welcome optimism! 💕
Your story about the Cape is spot-on, Kathleen. My MIL (who owns the house we stayed in) complains about the same thing. In fact, your recounting jogged my memory of being at her favorite seaside restaurant, which is staffed almost entirely by Jamaican immigrants. She felt "pressured" to choose a higher tip amount because the server handed her the card-reading machine and waited patiently for her to finish the transaction... so she tipped the server LESS. I almost blew my stack. I made some mention, but my MIL stood firm... she wanted to send a message to the restaurant that she DOES NOT LIKE those machines and the way the server stands there while you decide what tip to give them. 🙄🙄🙄
Brilliantly done. Not only have you defined our commonalities but in a way that does not betray which “side” you are on. That is an especially difficult accomplishment in today’s discourse climate. I can easily imagine a reader from either side thinking “she’s one of us.” (Of course I know where you really stand.) That’s how well it works. Bravo.
Great post, thank you. Now if we can somehow figure out a way to suppress or eliminate the people / organizations that benefit from and promulgate divisiveness, hate and mutual distrust. We can do this, perhaps we need leadership.
Thank you Mary! The more we listen and see what unites us, the more we can find hope and heal the broken spirit of our country. I am an optimist and bridge builder, too!
I love this! And your daughter sounds really awesome. Haha. Your take-away from this reunion and your purposeful re-uniting and seeing the hope through the division that once was the norm should be a compunction to us all. Get with family and listen. Be The Pole. ♥♥
We just watched a show called Downwinders about the testing done in Nevada. So gross. It explains the vast emptiness of the wasteland in the desert of Nevada.
Nevada's destruction by the US Military is despicable. I haven't seen Downwinders, but I did just watch a documentary while we were in NV that addresses the same topic. Planning to use it for a future post.
This is wonderful, Mary. I got totally lost in it, bringing me back to the several cross-country road-trips I made earlier in life back and forth from Boston to the San Francisco Bay Area. Eventually we settled on the Southwest as a suitable place to make a life. My first impression, "one panoramic view after another" has stuck with me ever since. It wasn't really an enclave we were looking for, more the spaciousness, big sky, the warm colors of the landscape and the sense of freedom that it all gave me.
Thank you for sharing your experience with us, your observations, and your time with your family. It was a very hopeful picture you painted. I needed to be reminded that despite our differences, we can still come back together and enjoy one another. There really is no other way that we're going to survive and thrive. I've had to sharpen my communication skills to find a way to interact and increase my ability to feel compassion and empathy, even for myself. After all, we are all just human beings doing the best we can to make the most of these lives we've been blessed with. And as you pointed out, basically we all want the same things.
I just want to say, you gotta love those old license plates!! Don't cha? xoxo
Thanks, Rocket! Driving out west was a real mixed bag for me. I appreciated so much the "one panoramic view after another" while at the same time shaking my head at the parched expanses. I'm such a "green" girl! All the brown landscape made me thirsty! 😂 But freedom -- hell, yeah. I loved being under such big skies.
I realize that I'm fortunate to have extended family members that share my desire to stay connected. It's hard to maintain relationships with people who shut you out and lock the door. I'm impressed at the work you've put in to deepen your powers of empathy -- that is JUST the kind of growth that is moving this planet forward.
This post is so beautiful and I feel the echos in my own life - in that I recently went to two big family gatherings. In the second gathering, my uncle declared that he is committed to listening to those he disagrees with - but sort of as a way to convince "conspiracy theorists" to come back to reality. We had such a great convo - most likely because he actually was committed to listening and he seemed to really hear that the way he used the term conspiracy theorists felt so dismissive. I want more convos like this! When I'm in these conversations I can feel my desperation to be heard, and I have to work hard to be a good listener.
And at this gathering, we also played improv games! No one acting out being a stripper or being the stripper pole - mostly the improv games were for inclusion of the kids aged 5-11.
The synchronicities are amazing! Makes me wonder if there is a morphic field of reunions with growing capacity for connection, listening, and improv???
I shared your article with my parents and this particular aunt and uncle and they all loved it. Thank you for writing it and sharing something that resonates across generations!
My hope is re-kindled reading you for the first time, Mary! You and many others on Substack are my heroines and heroes that give guidance and often, in this case, Love at the same time. Thank you!
Oh Mary, this is wonderful and timely! In about 10 days I'll be headed to Michigan to spend time on a lake with my family. There will be 13 adults under the same roof for a week. This has been a yearly event for many years but the last time I was there was August 2020. I, ever the black sheep, was the only one who wouldn't put a mask on to walk from the boat to the lakeside restaurant. I pretty much put aside my commentaries while staying true to myself. I'm a lifepath 2 and boy, do we ever hate conflict and anger. We are the peacekeepers. Four years later, it will be an interesting week. I'm open for discussions because I agree with you 100% and am also an eternal optimist.
Can I just say how much I love what your daughter titled the What's App group? 😂 Wondering about her astrology, of course.
In 2020 I roadtripped it and it nearly killed me. I hadn't driven in 16 years, living in the city. Now, I'm a country road gal and just can't make that long ride alone. But, I've done that drive you spoke of and I know of which you write... This year, I'll take a 3 hour bus ride to Boston Logan and on to Detroit. Mercury will be retrograde so please send positive vibes my way. I've lost my travel mojo and this will be my first time venturing out again.
You did an awesome job with Kathleen's SOTU challenge. Glad you're home, safe and sound, Mary. XOXO
Ooh, your trip to Michigan is coming right up! I will be sending you every possible positive vibe -- for smooth travel, and for open-heartedness all 'round as you re-enter the fold. (Love you, Black Sheep!)
I'll tell Maddie that you loved her title. She's a live one, alright. A Scorpio.
I love to think of you bombing those country roads after being grounded in the city for so long. You'll do just fine, I can feel it. Thanks for the sweet comment, dear Barbara! xox
Jul 28·edited Jul 28Liked by Mary Poindexter McLaughlin
You are a balm to my soul, Mary. I have been thinking about you often and the way that you look with equal compassion on the left/ right divide. It's come back to me especially because of my article on Sasha and the backlash, and maybe more, those who won't voice their own thoughts on it (https://thirdparadigm.substack.com/p/sashas-daughter-soph)
This is what I've been thinking: morality supersedes religion. Morality supersedes politics, nationality, race, 'sides', family and friendships. The basis of my morality is equality. The basis of immorality, to me, is superiority, which reaches its logical extremes in enslavement, colonization, and the right to kill or torture others.
That superiority starts with what I call the 'servant mentality'--the belief that we're entitled to the labor of others for whom we do nothing in return. It's what some call 'getting good help' but it goes beyond this to the people who grow our food, make our goods, mine our fuels. That entitlement is what turns to anger when challenged. That's why I think the solution goes beyond a place for the help to live (at least the ones who look like us and do the 'face' jobs) and into taking back the right of all to the products of their own labor: https://thirdparadigm.substack.com/p/state-of-disunion-2030.
For instance, it was the Constitution that enshrined slavery and forbid any amendment that changed that. The Civil War was fought for industrialists in the North who wanted the cheap labor of freed slaves. The moral superiority of Northerners was used to trick them into fighting Southerners--most of whom didn't own slaves. I write about this in my book. That bias still stands.
What I've realized goes deep is our hostility towards anyone who challenges the superiority of our own side. Sasha is at an extreme, telling me I'm 'lucky' she's not killing me for critiquing her views as expressed by her daughter. On the left, the terms racist, sexist, homophobic and hate speech have been weaponized, made so broad that they censor any discussion of ideas. But this also creates its opposite: the right in which there's no distinction between attacking people and critiquing ideas, even when violence is being justified by those ideas.
The belief that we should never critique 'our own' goes so deep that I've been dismayed by those who prefer to walk away from me instead. Ginger Breggin, who I've considered a friend, hasn't answered my email. Mathew Crawford, also a friend, first deflected into a disagreement with Sasha over self-driving cars and, when I brought it back to ethical issues, said he didn't have time for this.
Demi Pietchell, with whom I've had friendly exchanges, 'liked' every comment except mine--which had a couple of funny lines but then suggested she see who she was associating with and linked my article. She'd thanked Sasha in a long list, perhaps as a paid sub. She later deleted my comment and has pointedly not 'liked' the most innocuous comments of mine since.
To bring this back, and I apologize for analyzing my experience here, I think we need to first establish common ground for the reunion. Are people, inside our enclave and throughout the world, imbued with equal rights at birth? What are those rights? They can't be to products and services without taking away the rights of producers to their own labor. They can only be to what's potentially available to all--belonging to a family and a community that owns the land and property within its borders, with the right to govern itself.
Again, thank you for being you, and staying with these questions and on the side of love.
There's so much here, Tereza -- much of which goes beyond my pay grade, as they say. It's clear the exchanges with Sasha have stirred up many thoughts and emotions, and that you are working through them all. I so honor your desire to make sense of the situation, and of the complexities of being a fallible human on this confusing planet.
I'm also so grateful for your indefatigable searching for a better way, a way that brings a practicable heaven right here and now. I know no one else directing their intellect and heart toward that noble goal. I loved your State of the DisUnion 2030 -- it is brilliant -- and I love you, too. xox
love yer "state of the re-union" Mary an' may folks indeed come 2gether as yer sayin'... thing IMHO is that we need ta come together over sumthin'--it's gotta be bigger than us all--bigger than fambly bonds--an' it's not gonna be (imho) the simple things we "all want"-- b/c a lotta young'uns have been raised NOT to want those things at all!
Not a naysayer (I'm an optimist too) but have gotten a recent "whif" of GenZ (as did my younger daughter tho' she's part of the generation, she ain't part of the mindset...) an' boy did it stink! So we gotta mighty big problem 'fore we kin come together--we got kids that do not share ANY of the values ya listed... I was shocked too! AND they seem ta only have two values: 1 blind ambition (or am-bitch-in as it were) an' 2 the goal of "toppin'" the next one in no. of intimate podners... They seem so undereducated an' oversexed... wull it's a thing... I had no idear but these young'uns--at least now--want no part of any kinda re-union an' they are so self-focused (right or poor, don't matter) that they seem another species!
These kids don't give a durn about health, ignore most issues of safety (risky drug-takin & sex in way's that'd make us turn beet red an' then sum!), an' they don't have a concept of freedom--they stiffle speech they don't like like white on rice. Notta good look--it's them doin' the part we thought was jus' "big media" censors. Nope, it's the young'uns... not mine, not yours, but someone this happened!
They don't give a hoot 'bout clean air (they vape like crazy!) or clean water (not on their radar) but they'll show up for an enviro rally if it sounds "fun"-- Now this angle I've seen for some time an' I had ta let even some well-meanin' mamas know this was corporate operation. They got it--but these young'uns? Nah... An' the decent ones (most not all... not mine) cover for the indecent ones... All this I missed in our years of halcyon homeschoolin'!
This generation eats anythin'--dyed, arty-fish-all, whatever "the next trend"--it's the Gen X's that got back ta slow food not the Z's--not seein' that (I had ta climb a few mountains ta git my girl decent eats at her program)...
I could go on but I'll spare ya the redundancy--I sawr stuff I never imagined Mary--all these kiddos are under 20 so yer not seein' it at yer reunion.... but it's DARK... their "friends" are online an' anyone they hook up with is a "friend"--they send nasty photos to folks they never met--an' some live in fawncy homes in CT with chauffeurs an' others live in da Bronx an' they're all caught up in their own navel gazin' (pierced navel gazin'!)
... I gotta write 'bout this'un too but these kiddos are so disconnected I'm not sure how they could recover... OR unite with all generations prior... or create a decent one "to come"--we'ze in trouble in ways I had NOT seen!
But all that said-you got "people" skills many lack--our age grew up learnin' social "diplomacy"--today it's a dinosaur--but if you can rev up that dino an' help folks connect again--git some've it under yer belt an' then maybe yer up fer tacklin' the younger generation which my younger one an' I have decided have been "raised by WOLVES!" (ha ha)
Also, breaks my heart how they're crushin'--as ya said--all the in-betweenz here in NY State--Remington (typewriters n' rifles) just closed it's factory for good--thousands now unemployed--an' Bimbo Bakery (horrible name but they bake fer everyone--largest baker in the USA--many don't know all their breads are baked at the same factories an' now both of the big'uns in NY just shuttered--lotta unemployed there too). This is a wreckin' ball--I have no clue how ta stop it!
All I can say is I talk to all kinda folks all the time! 'Cept fer these young'uns I find commonalities (heck I even was able to joke with this morbidly obese TJ's cashier huffin' an' puffin' in his double-thick mask all worried 'bout germs when the poor lad needed oxygen!--we covered Greek Mythology lol...Hercules!) But many folks don't have the desire nor the wish ta build those bridges you do so expertly Mary... so let's say I'm more of a...Cockeyed Optimist!" than a full one--for me--I wax cheery IN SPITE of it all! I still think we'll git thru ta t'other side of this mess but how? That one is beyond my own paygrade!
Thanks for bringing this up, Daisy. You're right -- my post is aiming at the people that can still function in a "civil" society. You're also correct in stating that my kids fall into that category. I'm so grateful for that!
I know that there is a huge swath of the population that exhibits the traits and values you're laying out here. Whether it's the latter half of Gen Z or all of Gen Alpha, I can't really say. My daughter (technically Gen Z) spends a great deal of time with the Alphas because she coaches volleyball for that age group, and she's been absolutely mortified by the lack of redeeming qualities that group seems to have. It's scary.
I don't know how those kids are going to fare in the coming years, but I know (think? hope?) that life and god both work in mysterious ways -- changing destinies in a way we can't imagine yet. At least, that's what I'm praying for.
RE "My daughter (technically Gen Z) spends a great deal of time with the Alphas because she coaches volleyball for that age group, and she's been absolutely mortified by the lack of redeeming qualities that group seems to have. It's scary."
OMGolly so you know too--today my girl came home--thankfully in one piece havin' found ONE SWEET SANE LOVELY friend, also homeschooled lol--but today it was chaos as she had what I'd say call an "overwhelm" --finally lettin' it all out-- reacting in a "safe space" (home) to the gals she was exposed to--it was kinda traumatic. Mostly girls tho' they found boys an' "which whut who's" outside the Musical Thee-Ate-Er program-so as yer daughter said--their talk IS scary. An' what they did in the bushes (etc) is scarier!!!!!
How can ya coach--be it in volleyball or actin'--a group of "hos" who have no work ethic or respect fer their bodies? Lordy Mary, I'm atta loss---an' had a big ugly smack 'o' reality....
This is "our future"--our kids, our (future) gran'kids--so it's great we "might" be lucky 'nuff to find common ground with their parents an' others--perhaps--tho' I fear they themselfs are either clueless or too bizzy suckin' back mai tais?!-
But these KIDS. Just got my wake up... a lot stronger than my 3x strength cawfee... (An' you'll join me I know in wonderin' WHY why why this generation--a few like my daughter bein' exceptions--wanna do all manner of lousy new "adult content" songs from "Hades Town," "Waitress" or "Rocky?!" -- heck I missed that turd in the punchbowl...ROCKY-the-Musical?!..... or other stuff that stinks--an' refuse ta do Lerner & Lowe, Rogers & Hammerstein, all the good stuff...?! Standards even?! Whahappened? Heck, as long in the tooth that I am--we always did the best stuff from the 20's, 30's, 40's, 50's, etc--an' we all loved it... nobody felt it was tired--it was always fresh an' fun an' now... "HOs" likin' bad "ho moosic" an' it ain't even melodic--it's pop not musical theater...SIGH...)
Sorry fer the rant ha ha--but if we're gonna re-unite we gotta do sumthin' 'bout the "young'uns" -- they are SO lost... AND SO scary too! (How did I ever miss all this?)
My girl & I had a lotta heart-to-hearts on the phone as the instructors were mostly really good--but these young'uns were--lemme say--goin' at it like bunnies with whoever & whatever & messed up on all things illegal an' it was like this CRISIS--so this is what we older gals gotta solve fer the sake of our kids, gran'kids--all that. HOW? (an' oy vey)
Thank you for being so talented, thank you for bringing me to tears yet again. Would you consider recording this and posting it on YouTube? You need to reach a wider audience. More people NEED to hear this and a lot of them will not take the time to read. They will listen though. Sending you Love!
Candi! Thank you for this lovely comment! And I'm rolling my eyes only because Pete's been saying the same thing and I KNOW I need to step beyond the page and into/onto a broader platform to reach farther. You are, as usual, the voice of my higher self... 😅🙏🏼. Sending you love right back ❤️!
Wow. That was so beautiful how you tied all of this together with your personal experience. The idea of a re-Union to appeal as a state of the union (or dis-union) is so simple and still such a hurdle for this polarising country. Now, I have to wonder, how many Americans come remotely close to being as open minded and as great of a listener as you, Mary. I mean, can you imagine if we asked the Congress to do some damn improv games. A little, say “yes” or pass the clap in them Capitol Hill chambers? A little contact improv? I’d call it Political Comm-Union.
Fabulous piece. So nice to hear more about your trip.
Gee Tonika, thanks for the high praise!
I'm laughing so hard... that's just brilliant!! I can think of SO MANY games I'd like to see them play. We could charge big money for tickets to watch... and maybe they have to participate to seek re-election?? This is getting FUN. 😂
“Nancy, your autumn leaves, Nancy!”, “Mitch, you’re eternal fire!” Aaaaand go!
We really had no shame, did we? It’s quite possible that if you ever went to theatre school, you’re beyond humiliation.
🤣🤣
Thank you, Mary! That was beautiful and hopeful and very grounded and real. (Which means optimism is far from naive.)
I so appreciate your SOTU take and completely agree - getting out on the road is a great way to see what's really happening on the ground.
I just loved hearing about your reunion. Personal connection, investment in others - and yes - listening - are the stepping stones to rebuilding our world; the new human-centric version emerging.
It is quite astounding - the enclaves and the places in between those enclaves.
A short story about that very subject:
Last time I was on the Cape visiting a sister who lives half the year there, we were walking the neighborhood and I said something about how easy it is to forget how crazy things are, and how hard it is for so many people when you're plopped down in such a a prosperous neighborhood. (And indeed it's pretty great for those who can live there!)
Later when we went to their club for dinner I chatted with a waitress who explained the challenge of getting to the job - that where they used to have places for seasonal workers to live, now they don't, and so she has to commute over an hour by bus to get there. I could tell she was uncomfortable just telling me since she didn't want to sound like she was complaining.
Next day I chatted with a wealthy man who also complained - his was about how hard it is to get good workers and it was such a shame that so many restaurants can't stay open 7 days a week given the lack of 'good help'.
I would have loved to facilitate a conversation between him and the waitress. They likely could have come up with solutions - in fact he probably had a guest house she could have stayed in.
Surely we can do better than these stories describe.
Thank you, Mary. Excellent insights and welcome optimism! 💕
Your story about the Cape is spot-on, Kathleen. My MIL (who owns the house we stayed in) complains about the same thing. In fact, your recounting jogged my memory of being at her favorite seaside restaurant, which is staffed almost entirely by Jamaican immigrants. She felt "pressured" to choose a higher tip amount because the server handed her the card-reading machine and waited patiently for her to finish the transaction... so she tipped the server LESS. I almost blew my stack. I made some mention, but my MIL stood firm... she wanted to send a message to the restaurant that she DOES NOT LIKE those machines and the way the server stands there while you decide what tip to give them. 🙄🙄🙄
As you said, surely we can do better!!
♥ Soultion Facilitator should be a thing! Great ideas gathering steam. Love it.
"Solution Facilitator" -- YES!
Brilliantly done. Not only have you defined our commonalities but in a way that does not betray which “side” you are on. That is an especially difficult accomplishment in today’s discourse climate. I can easily imagine a reader from either side thinking “she’s one of us.” (Of course I know where you really stand.) That’s how well it works. Bravo.
Thank you so much, JC, for noticing my efforts; I do attempt to bring people together. Your comment lets me know I'm headed in the right direction!
Great post, thank you. Now if we can somehow figure out a way to suppress or eliminate the people / organizations that benefit from and promulgate divisiveness, hate and mutual distrust. We can do this, perhaps we need leadership.
Thank you Mary! The more we listen and see what unites us, the more we can find hope and heal the broken spirit of our country. I am an optimist and bridge builder, too!
You are one of my very favorite bridge builders! Thanks for the comment, Debbie. xox
I love this! And your daughter sounds really awesome. Haha. Your take-away from this reunion and your purposeful re-uniting and seeing the hope through the division that once was the norm should be a compunction to us all. Get with family and listen. Be The Pole. ♥♥
We just watched a show called Downwinders about the testing done in Nevada. So gross. It explains the vast emptiness of the wasteland in the desert of Nevada.
"Be The Pole"... I'm getting the hats made now! 😅
Nevada's destruction by the US Military is despicable. I haven't seen Downwinders, but I did just watch a documentary while we were in NV that addresses the same topic. Planning to use it for a future post.
Thanks for the comment, SadieJay!
This is wonderful, Mary. I got totally lost in it, bringing me back to the several cross-country road-trips I made earlier in life back and forth from Boston to the San Francisco Bay Area. Eventually we settled on the Southwest as a suitable place to make a life. My first impression, "one panoramic view after another" has stuck with me ever since. It wasn't really an enclave we were looking for, more the spaciousness, big sky, the warm colors of the landscape and the sense of freedom that it all gave me.
Thank you for sharing your experience with us, your observations, and your time with your family. It was a very hopeful picture you painted. I needed to be reminded that despite our differences, we can still come back together and enjoy one another. There really is no other way that we're going to survive and thrive. I've had to sharpen my communication skills to find a way to interact and increase my ability to feel compassion and empathy, even for myself. After all, we are all just human beings doing the best we can to make the most of these lives we've been blessed with. And as you pointed out, basically we all want the same things.
I just want to say, you gotta love those old license plates!! Don't cha? xoxo
Thanks, Rocket! Driving out west was a real mixed bag for me. I appreciated so much the "one panoramic view after another" while at the same time shaking my head at the parched expanses. I'm such a "green" girl! All the brown landscape made me thirsty! 😂 But freedom -- hell, yeah. I loved being under such big skies.
I realize that I'm fortunate to have extended family members that share my desire to stay connected. It's hard to maintain relationships with people who shut you out and lock the door. I'm impressed at the work you've put in to deepen your powers of empathy -- that is JUST the kind of growth that is moving this planet forward.
And YES, I do!! xox!
Love this!
This post is so beautiful and I feel the echos in my own life - in that I recently went to two big family gatherings. In the second gathering, my uncle declared that he is committed to listening to those he disagrees with - but sort of as a way to convince "conspiracy theorists" to come back to reality. We had such a great convo - most likely because he actually was committed to listening and he seemed to really hear that the way he used the term conspiracy theorists felt so dismissive. I want more convos like this! When I'm in these conversations I can feel my desperation to be heard, and I have to work hard to be a good listener.
And at this gathering, we also played improv games! No one acting out being a stripper or being the stripper pole - mostly the improv games were for inclusion of the kids aged 5-11.
Bless your uncle for his willingness to listen! I identify with your deep desire to be heard... it's hard to rein it in sometimes. :-)
No way! Improv at your gathering, too? We are living parallel lies, marta!
Thanks for being here and your comment. Best.
The synchronicities are amazing! Makes me wonder if there is a morphic field of reunions with growing capacity for connection, listening, and improv???
I shared your article with my parents and this particular aunt and uncle and they all loved it. Thank you for writing it and sharing something that resonates across generations!
Wouldn't that be fabulous? "Reunions Reimagined!"
Thank YOU for letting sharing my work and letting me know how it landed; it makes me so happy to know it's having an impact...🥰
Beautiful. Exhilarating. Inspiring.
My hope is re-kindled reading you for the first time, Mary! You and many others on Substack are my heroines and heroes that give guidance and often, in this case, Love at the same time. Thank you!
Aw... thank you, Michael. What an incredibly sweet comment. I'm so glad you're here!
Spot on
Oh Mary, this is wonderful and timely! In about 10 days I'll be headed to Michigan to spend time on a lake with my family. There will be 13 adults under the same roof for a week. This has been a yearly event for many years but the last time I was there was August 2020. I, ever the black sheep, was the only one who wouldn't put a mask on to walk from the boat to the lakeside restaurant. I pretty much put aside my commentaries while staying true to myself. I'm a lifepath 2 and boy, do we ever hate conflict and anger. We are the peacekeepers. Four years later, it will be an interesting week. I'm open for discussions because I agree with you 100% and am also an eternal optimist.
Can I just say how much I love what your daughter titled the What's App group? 😂 Wondering about her astrology, of course.
In 2020 I roadtripped it and it nearly killed me. I hadn't driven in 16 years, living in the city. Now, I'm a country road gal and just can't make that long ride alone. But, I've done that drive you spoke of and I know of which you write... This year, I'll take a 3 hour bus ride to Boston Logan and on to Detroit. Mercury will be retrograde so please send positive vibes my way. I've lost my travel mojo and this will be my first time venturing out again.
You did an awesome job with Kathleen's SOTU challenge. Glad you're home, safe and sound, Mary. XOXO
Ooh, your trip to Michigan is coming right up! I will be sending you every possible positive vibe -- for smooth travel, and for open-heartedness all 'round as you re-enter the fold. (Love you, Black Sheep!)
I'll tell Maddie that you loved her title. She's a live one, alright. A Scorpio.
I love to think of you bombing those country roads after being grounded in the city for so long. You'll do just fine, I can feel it. Thanks for the sweet comment, dear Barbara! xox
Thank you, dear Mary! XOXO
P.S. I was going to guess, Scorpio! :)
You are a balm to my soul, Mary. I have been thinking about you often and the way that you look with equal compassion on the left/ right divide. It's come back to me especially because of my article on Sasha and the backlash, and maybe more, those who won't voice their own thoughts on it (https://thirdparadigm.substack.com/p/sashas-daughter-soph)
This is what I've been thinking: morality supersedes religion. Morality supersedes politics, nationality, race, 'sides', family and friendships. The basis of my morality is equality. The basis of immorality, to me, is superiority, which reaches its logical extremes in enslavement, colonization, and the right to kill or torture others.
That superiority starts with what I call the 'servant mentality'--the belief that we're entitled to the labor of others for whom we do nothing in return. It's what some call 'getting good help' but it goes beyond this to the people who grow our food, make our goods, mine our fuels. That entitlement is what turns to anger when challenged. That's why I think the solution goes beyond a place for the help to live (at least the ones who look like us and do the 'face' jobs) and into taking back the right of all to the products of their own labor: https://thirdparadigm.substack.com/p/state-of-disunion-2030.
For instance, it was the Constitution that enshrined slavery and forbid any amendment that changed that. The Civil War was fought for industrialists in the North who wanted the cheap labor of freed slaves. The moral superiority of Northerners was used to trick them into fighting Southerners--most of whom didn't own slaves. I write about this in my book. That bias still stands.
What I've realized goes deep is our hostility towards anyone who challenges the superiority of our own side. Sasha is at an extreme, telling me I'm 'lucky' she's not killing me for critiquing her views as expressed by her daughter. On the left, the terms racist, sexist, homophobic and hate speech have been weaponized, made so broad that they censor any discussion of ideas. But this also creates its opposite: the right in which there's no distinction between attacking people and critiquing ideas, even when violence is being justified by those ideas.
The belief that we should never critique 'our own' goes so deep that I've been dismayed by those who prefer to walk away from me instead. Ginger Breggin, who I've considered a friend, hasn't answered my email. Mathew Crawford, also a friend, first deflected into a disagreement with Sasha over self-driving cars and, when I brought it back to ethical issues, said he didn't have time for this.
Demi Pietchell, with whom I've had friendly exchanges, 'liked' every comment except mine--which had a couple of funny lines but then suggested she see who she was associating with and linked my article. She'd thanked Sasha in a long list, perhaps as a paid sub. She later deleted my comment and has pointedly not 'liked' the most innocuous comments of mine since.
To bring this back, and I apologize for analyzing my experience here, I think we need to first establish common ground for the reunion. Are people, inside our enclave and throughout the world, imbued with equal rights at birth? What are those rights? They can't be to products and services without taking away the rights of producers to their own labor. They can only be to what's potentially available to all--belonging to a family and a community that owns the land and property within its borders, with the right to govern itself.
Again, thank you for being you, and staying with these questions and on the side of love.
There's so much here, Tereza -- much of which goes beyond my pay grade, as they say. It's clear the exchanges with Sasha have stirred up many thoughts and emotions, and that you are working through them all. I so honor your desire to make sense of the situation, and of the complexities of being a fallible human on this confusing planet.
I'm also so grateful for your indefatigable searching for a better way, a way that brings a practicable heaven right here and now. I know no one else directing their intellect and heart toward that noble goal. I loved your State of the DisUnion 2030 -- it is brilliant -- and I love you, too. xox
love yer "state of the re-union" Mary an' may folks indeed come 2gether as yer sayin'... thing IMHO is that we need ta come together over sumthin'--it's gotta be bigger than us all--bigger than fambly bonds--an' it's not gonna be (imho) the simple things we "all want"-- b/c a lotta young'uns have been raised NOT to want those things at all!
Not a naysayer (I'm an optimist too) but have gotten a recent "whif" of GenZ (as did my younger daughter tho' she's part of the generation, she ain't part of the mindset...) an' boy did it stink! So we gotta mighty big problem 'fore we kin come together--we got kids that do not share ANY of the values ya listed... I was shocked too! AND they seem ta only have two values: 1 blind ambition (or am-bitch-in as it were) an' 2 the goal of "toppin'" the next one in no. of intimate podners... They seem so undereducated an' oversexed... wull it's a thing... I had no idear but these young'uns--at least now--want no part of any kinda re-union an' they are so self-focused (right or poor, don't matter) that they seem another species!
These kids don't give a durn about health, ignore most issues of safety (risky drug-takin & sex in way's that'd make us turn beet red an' then sum!), an' they don't have a concept of freedom--they stiffle speech they don't like like white on rice. Notta good look--it's them doin' the part we thought was jus' "big media" censors. Nope, it's the young'uns... not mine, not yours, but someone this happened!
They don't give a hoot 'bout clean air (they vape like crazy!) or clean water (not on their radar) but they'll show up for an enviro rally if it sounds "fun"-- Now this angle I've seen for some time an' I had ta let even some well-meanin' mamas know this was corporate operation. They got it--but these young'uns? Nah... An' the decent ones (most not all... not mine) cover for the indecent ones... All this I missed in our years of halcyon homeschoolin'!
This generation eats anythin'--dyed, arty-fish-all, whatever "the next trend"--it's the Gen X's that got back ta slow food not the Z's--not seein' that (I had ta climb a few mountains ta git my girl decent eats at her program)...
I could go on but I'll spare ya the redundancy--I sawr stuff I never imagined Mary--all these kiddos are under 20 so yer not seein' it at yer reunion.... but it's DARK... their "friends" are online an' anyone they hook up with is a "friend"--they send nasty photos to folks they never met--an' some live in fawncy homes in CT with chauffeurs an' others live in da Bronx an' they're all caught up in their own navel gazin' (pierced navel gazin'!)
... I gotta write 'bout this'un too but these kiddos are so disconnected I'm not sure how they could recover... OR unite with all generations prior... or create a decent one "to come"--we'ze in trouble in ways I had NOT seen!
But all that said-you got "people" skills many lack--our age grew up learnin' social "diplomacy"--today it's a dinosaur--but if you can rev up that dino an' help folks connect again--git some've it under yer belt an' then maybe yer up fer tacklin' the younger generation which my younger one an' I have decided have been "raised by WOLVES!" (ha ha)
Also, breaks my heart how they're crushin'--as ya said--all the in-betweenz here in NY State--Remington (typewriters n' rifles) just closed it's factory for good--thousands now unemployed--an' Bimbo Bakery (horrible name but they bake fer everyone--largest baker in the USA--many don't know all their breads are baked at the same factories an' now both of the big'uns in NY just shuttered--lotta unemployed there too). This is a wreckin' ball--I have no clue how ta stop it!
All I can say is I talk to all kinda folks all the time! 'Cept fer these young'uns I find commonalities (heck I even was able to joke with this morbidly obese TJ's cashier huffin' an' puffin' in his double-thick mask all worried 'bout germs when the poor lad needed oxygen!--we covered Greek Mythology lol...Hercules!) But many folks don't have the desire nor the wish ta build those bridges you do so expertly Mary... so let's say I'm more of a...Cockeyed Optimist!" than a full one--for me--I wax cheery IN SPITE of it all! I still think we'll git thru ta t'other side of this mess but how? That one is beyond my own paygrade!
Thanks for bringing this up, Daisy. You're right -- my post is aiming at the people that can still function in a "civil" society. You're also correct in stating that my kids fall into that category. I'm so grateful for that!
I know that there is a huge swath of the population that exhibits the traits and values you're laying out here. Whether it's the latter half of Gen Z or all of Gen Alpha, I can't really say. My daughter (technically Gen Z) spends a great deal of time with the Alphas because she coaches volleyball for that age group, and she's been absolutely mortified by the lack of redeeming qualities that group seems to have. It's scary.
I don't know how those kids are going to fare in the coming years, but I know (think? hope?) that life and god both work in mysterious ways -- changing destinies in a way we can't imagine yet. At least, that's what I'm praying for.
RE "My daughter (technically Gen Z) spends a great deal of time with the Alphas because she coaches volleyball for that age group, and she's been absolutely mortified by the lack of redeeming qualities that group seems to have. It's scary."
OMGolly so you know too--today my girl came home--thankfully in one piece havin' found ONE SWEET SANE LOVELY friend, also homeschooled lol--but today it was chaos as she had what I'd say call an "overwhelm" --finally lettin' it all out-- reacting in a "safe space" (home) to the gals she was exposed to--it was kinda traumatic. Mostly girls tho' they found boys an' "which whut who's" outside the Musical Thee-Ate-Er program-so as yer daughter said--their talk IS scary. An' what they did in the bushes (etc) is scarier!!!!!
How can ya coach--be it in volleyball or actin'--a group of "hos" who have no work ethic or respect fer their bodies? Lordy Mary, I'm atta loss---an' had a big ugly smack 'o' reality....
This is "our future"--our kids, our (future) gran'kids--so it's great we "might" be lucky 'nuff to find common ground with their parents an' others--perhaps--tho' I fear they themselfs are either clueless or too bizzy suckin' back mai tais?!-
But these KIDS. Just got my wake up... a lot stronger than my 3x strength cawfee... (An' you'll join me I know in wonderin' WHY why why this generation--a few like my daughter bein' exceptions--wanna do all manner of lousy new "adult content" songs from "Hades Town," "Waitress" or "Rocky?!" -- heck I missed that turd in the punchbowl...ROCKY-the-Musical?!..... or other stuff that stinks--an' refuse ta do Lerner & Lowe, Rogers & Hammerstein, all the good stuff...?! Standards even?! Whahappened? Heck, as long in the tooth that I am--we always did the best stuff from the 20's, 30's, 40's, 50's, etc--an' we all loved it... nobody felt it was tired--it was always fresh an' fun an' now... "HOs" likin' bad "ho moosic" an' it ain't even melodic--it's pop not musical theater...SIGH...)
Sorry fer the rant ha ha--but if we're gonna re-unite we gotta do sumthin' 'bout the "young'uns" -- they are SO lost... AND SO scary too! (How did I ever miss all this?)
My girl & I had a lotta heart-to-hearts on the phone as the instructors were mostly really good--but these young'uns were--lemme say--goin' at it like bunnies with whoever & whatever & messed up on all things illegal an' it was like this CRISIS--so this is what we older gals gotta solve fer the sake of our kids, gran'kids--all that. HOW? (an' oy vey)
Thank you for being so talented, thank you for bringing me to tears yet again. Would you consider recording this and posting it on YouTube? You need to reach a wider audience. More people NEED to hear this and a lot of them will not take the time to read. They will listen though. Sending you Love!
Candi! Thank you for this lovely comment! And I'm rolling my eyes only because Pete's been saying the same thing and I KNOW I need to step beyond the page and into/onto a broader platform to reach farther. You are, as usual, the voice of my higher self... 😅🙏🏼. Sending you love right back ❤️!
Thank you. THAT was the medicine I needed.
So glad. Thanks for letting me know, norie. 🙏🏼