I was told recently that it's okay that I don't know the plan - how it's going to come about.
Centered and satisfied and happy is my best work. I've found that if I do that, I can simply view everything else with amusement, which I do. This is a great time to be an observer.
Your husband's tale reminded me of something that happened to me when I was about 15 and student council president for my 9th grade class. The woman who served as staff student council adviser and was also my counselor, a wise and weathered woman in her late 50's, was speaking to me when I mentioned my frustration at how to go about making decisions within a body such as the one I was in.
She told me "the best committee is a committee of 3 with 2 of the members absent."
I was stunned in my youthful ignorance, but I've never forgotten that.
That's a great story, Philip. I wish I had known that pithy saying back when I was sitting on endless committees at the Waldorf school. Would've come in very handy!
Thanks for your comment, and for the kind words...❤️
I love your counselor's advice, Philip! I was once so frustrated with consensus decision making at the Grange, a volunteer farmer network, that I developed a process called ENABLED. I just found it on an old computer and copied it into a draft. It's an acronym that starts with "Enter the room with respect for each person's integrity and desire to bring about a solution that works for all." But I also notice how words I used then, like stakeholders, have been weaponized and were being used back then to paralyze any progress. It was woke before I had a word for it.
At the meeting that I was to lead and introduce this process, there was a coup of 'who put you in charge?' and it dissolved into bickering about the process of deciding who would lead the meeting. That was when I fully and completely gave up on the Grange, to which I'd devoted many years. Volunteer groups are notorious for people who have a little corner of power, something they don't have in their lives, and they guard it fiercely. It makes corporate hierarchies into a pleasure to deal with by comparison, where competency counts. Give me a committee of 3 with 2 absent any day.
ENABLED... I like it. I'm sorry you never got a chance to use it! I swear, Tereza, you are a woman whose time is just around the corner, I can feel it... xox
I regularly see this crap at work. Penny Wise and pound foolish.
They won't buy replacement parts that are relatively cheap.
Or they'll refuse to update to less problematic equipment.
Instead, they wait until the equipment is failing and then act like we suck cause we can't fix it without the parts.
Then, they sign an expensive contract to fix the failing system instead of spending the money before on prevention of failures.
Sigh.....
Like the DOGE government efficiency thing, they'll likely not address the biggest spending in the Pentagon who fails audits over and over. Instead they'll save pennies by screwing over people.
There are so many insightful, funny, and worthy quotes I want to pull out from here. Just when you think Substack has talked about most topics to death, you come across one that has hardly been touched; one that you are writing about so relatably and poignantly.
Btw, I see “trust-fall” and I’m immediately taken back to theatre school and doing those exercises, you know, THOSE exercises where we fall and blindly trust our classmates will catch us- the meaning of trust fall being the opposite of how the world understands that phrase and how you use it here.
Aw thanks, Tonika. I used to love THOSE exercises. Maybe because I'm preternaturally optimistic...? It actually never dawned on me that I could hit the floor 😅. That's probably why it took me longer than my wary hubby to figure out what was going on in 2020...
Ooooh, I want a bright shiny fire engine! Under the Christmas tree, please!
This is so good, Mary. I opened up all my tabs but came back to finish this first because you set me in the right frame of mind to respond elsewhere. Another way I've seen this phrased is that it's easier to lie big than to lie small. We will jump all over the gov't for election fraud but 911 is beyond our ken to think they could be complicit in. It's been shocking to me that people don't see the sky that's in front of them, but how many years did I go without noticing those odd unnatural trails that didn't dissipate?
When we read that quote from Hitler, we're likely to hear it as an instruction manual for propaganda. But that's because we can't comprehend that they could possibly lie to us about the world wars, completely inverting the heroes and villains, good and evil. And that Hitler was talking about what was being done TO Germans, not what he intended to do.
I love your recognition that we're feeling a joy and excitement that's bigger than we know, bigger than we can comprehend, as Kathleen's comment says so eloquently. That means a lot to me in understanding how to go forward.
Shiny red fire engines are just magical. My kids each had one of their birthday parties at the firehouse (complete with tours of the engine by Peter and a 3-D fire engine chocolate cake I baked and decorated -- talk about sublimated creativity!!)
You give excellent examples of our blindness to the big stuff while we're screaming about the small stuff. And wow -- I was just talking about Hitler today and the opinions that are coming to the surface about him. I do not know what to think, but by god, these are fascinating times!
Really insightful, Mary. Resonates with me. Maybe even it's the larger challenge in these challenging times. The new earth quickly coming online means a new human with it. We are throwing off so much control, while being used to knowing ourselves as controlled.
Fortunately, as you note, we can feel what we can't see, can't count, and can't believe.
Surely the dismantling of the world - and the normalcy bias that was part of it, must give way to a more expansive understanding, both inside and out. Fear can easily blot out excitement, and these are exciting times.
I like the way you put that, Kathleen: "We are throwing off so much control, while being used to knowing ourselves as controlled." Yes! We are in a strangely betwixt/between space that is not super-comfortable but very exciting, as you point out...
Thanks for the kind words! Glad it resonates... xox
Your observation makes me sad. I'm recently (2 years) moved to FL, so I don't know if the lack of morning birdsong is normal or not. But I sure do notice it and wonder if anyone else does...
Thank YOU for all you're doing, Roman. I'm so glad to be on your team. xox
Wow, Mary, this one is chock-full of gems! I love your tweaking of "The Four Agreements" as much as the original. I once got a hug from Don Miguel Ruiz in the Omego Institute bookstore years ago. He was lovely and seemed like someone who genuinely lived what he was teaching. You are lovely, too, Mary, and I imagine you're living life true to your version of TFA. XOXO
What a thought-provoking exploration of our cognitive blind spots. Your piece beautifully bridges the gap between ancient stoic wisdom (focusing on what we can comprehend and control) and our modern challenges with information overload. The contrast between the Piraha's simplified numbering system and our obsession with quantifying everything really struck me. While we can't escape our cognitive limitations, we can choose how we respond to them. I especially appreciate your optimistic turn at the end - the idea that our inability to grasp the colossal might also mean we're missing out on seeing massive positive changes. It's a reminder that wisdom often lies in accepting our limitations while remaining open to possibility.
Thank you so much, Jack. Wow, that's a terrific definition of wisdom! Rephrasing slightly: the acceptance of limitations while remaining open to possibility. YES. It has a serenity-prayer aspect to it...
lots ta what yer sayin' here Mary... I see the "overwhelm" so much! fer example when one kiddo in our local homeskool group (sadly jabbed) was dyin' of cancer (a 2nd one sadly just died too this month--yeesh...) the group rallied around the fam--offerin' homecooked meals, help with housework, donations, help with the other kiddos--what ya'd expect, right? An' yet they cannot individually or as a group wrap their minds around the fact that a good portion of the nation got harmed... lotta pro-jabbers (handful not) but try as I might ta warn 'em 'bout the elephant in the room--ta near-beg 'em to look at CHD or at least consider the mass deaths... they just say I'm listenin' to a crazy man whose own fambly disowned 'im. SIGH. I couldn't possibly turn 'em on ta less well-known folks (eg. Dr. Ana Mihalcea who'd be just too too fer 'em) so even given CHD's limitations...an' that he "might" be runnin' this MAHA thang (which I'm gettin' more 'n more worried 'bout given the selections DJT has made includin' the awful Wizard of Oz...)... I try fer the most robust an' official source out there an' STILL... they shut down an' set ta quibblin' over details...
All this ta say folks kin see one child...but they cannot fathom thousands upon thousands nor change direction fer their own fam whom (clearly) they're puttin' at risk... It's just one've many issues (traffickin' is an'nuther) but I see covidCon & jabs an' all that is one big medi-cull fire engine (ambulance?) they "buy" while focusin' on the singular... the child, the gutter, the smaller picture...
These are times've "overwhelm" an' indeed our spirits an' feelin's can soar above it all... but meantimes a lotta small-minded (nay petty) folks are just walkin' around "sore" an' not lookin' up...
You make excellent points, Daisy, all the more poignant because they're your own felt experiences. It's going to take more and more individual tragedies to collect in people's hearts. Reminds me of Blowin' in the Wind. (Which feels like a first -- I'M directing YOU to some golden oldie! 😉)
I had a friend who shared a similar gem, the smaller the 'crumbs', the more the 'birds' fight over them. At the time he was referring to small wage increases within a company.
Nice job, Mary. I don't know how you managed to put this essay all together. Your head must have really hurt after writing this. When I ask my husband "how did you ever manage to construct this incredible thing"? (whatever it was). He usually responds by saying "very carefully". What would you say??. LOL xox
Really, really nice, Mary!
I was told recently that it's okay that I don't know the plan - how it's going to come about.
Centered and satisfied and happy is my best work. I've found that if I do that, I can simply view everything else with amusement, which I do. This is a great time to be an observer.
Your husband's tale reminded me of something that happened to me when I was about 15 and student council president for my 9th grade class. The woman who served as staff student council adviser and was also my counselor, a wise and weathered woman in her late 50's, was speaking to me when I mentioned my frustration at how to go about making decisions within a body such as the one I was in.
She told me "the best committee is a committee of 3 with 2 of the members absent."
I was stunned in my youthful ignorance, but I've never forgotten that.
That's a great story, Philip. I wish I had known that pithy saying back when I was sitting on endless committees at the Waldorf school. Would've come in very handy!
Thanks for your comment, and for the kind words...❤️
I love your counselor's advice, Philip! I was once so frustrated with consensus decision making at the Grange, a volunteer farmer network, that I developed a process called ENABLED. I just found it on an old computer and copied it into a draft. It's an acronym that starts with "Enter the room with respect for each person's integrity and desire to bring about a solution that works for all." But I also notice how words I used then, like stakeholders, have been weaponized and were being used back then to paralyze any progress. It was woke before I had a word for it.
At the meeting that I was to lead and introduce this process, there was a coup of 'who put you in charge?' and it dissolved into bickering about the process of deciding who would lead the meeting. That was when I fully and completely gave up on the Grange, to which I'd devoted many years. Volunteer groups are notorious for people who have a little corner of power, something they don't have in their lives, and they guard it fiercely. It makes corporate hierarchies into a pleasure to deal with by comparison, where competency counts. Give me a committee of 3 with 2 absent any day.
ENABLED... I like it. I'm sorry you never got a chance to use it! I swear, Tereza, you are a woman whose time is just around the corner, I can feel it... xox
I regularly see this crap at work. Penny Wise and pound foolish.
They won't buy replacement parts that are relatively cheap.
Or they'll refuse to update to less problematic equipment.
Instead, they wait until the equipment is failing and then act like we suck cause we can't fix it without the parts.
Then, they sign an expensive contract to fix the failing system instead of spending the money before on prevention of failures.
Sigh.....
Like the DOGE government efficiency thing, they'll likely not address the biggest spending in the Pentagon who fails audits over and over. Instead they'll save pennies by screwing over people.
I hear you. It's infuriating. Re: DOGE, you may very well be right. It's not going to be dull, at the very least!
There are so many insightful, funny, and worthy quotes I want to pull out from here. Just when you think Substack has talked about most topics to death, you come across one that has hardly been touched; one that you are writing about so relatably and poignantly.
Btw, I see “trust-fall” and I’m immediately taken back to theatre school and doing those exercises, you know, THOSE exercises where we fall and blindly trust our classmates will catch us- the meaning of trust fall being the opposite of how the world understands that phrase and how you use it here.
Fantastic piece!!
Aw thanks, Tonika. I used to love THOSE exercises. Maybe because I'm preternaturally optimistic...? It actually never dawned on me that I could hit the floor 😅. That's probably why it took me longer than my wary hubby to figure out what was going on in 2020...
I have witnessed someone get dropped during one of those exercises. Not intentionally. But still. 😬
Yeesh. That might've dampened my enthusiasm for them a bit 😜
Ooooh, I want a bright shiny fire engine! Under the Christmas tree, please!
This is so good, Mary. I opened up all my tabs but came back to finish this first because you set me in the right frame of mind to respond elsewhere. Another way I've seen this phrased is that it's easier to lie big than to lie small. We will jump all over the gov't for election fraud but 911 is beyond our ken to think they could be complicit in. It's been shocking to me that people don't see the sky that's in front of them, but how many years did I go without noticing those odd unnatural trails that didn't dissipate?
When we read that quote from Hitler, we're likely to hear it as an instruction manual for propaganda. But that's because we can't comprehend that they could possibly lie to us about the world wars, completely inverting the heroes and villains, good and evil. And that Hitler was talking about what was being done TO Germans, not what he intended to do.
I've also talked about The Four Agreements, which came in mighty handy when my daughter almost cut me out of her wedding planning over ugly steak knives: https://thirdparadigm.substack.com/p/the-four-agreements.
I love your recognition that we're feeling a joy and excitement that's bigger than we know, bigger than we can comprehend, as Kathleen's comment says so eloquently. That means a lot to me in understanding how to go forward.
Shiny red fire engines are just magical. My kids each had one of their birthday parties at the firehouse (complete with tours of the engine by Peter and a 3-D fire engine chocolate cake I baked and decorated -- talk about sublimated creativity!!)
You give excellent examples of our blindness to the big stuff while we're screaming about the small stuff. And wow -- I was just talking about Hitler today and the opinions that are coming to the surface about him. I do not know what to think, but by god, these are fascinating times!
Ugly steak knives?? 😂
Big hugs... xox
Really insightful, Mary. Resonates with me. Maybe even it's the larger challenge in these challenging times. The new earth quickly coming online means a new human with it. We are throwing off so much control, while being used to knowing ourselves as controlled.
Fortunately, as you note, we can feel what we can't see, can't count, and can't believe.
Surely the dismantling of the world - and the normalcy bias that was part of it, must give way to a more expansive understanding, both inside and out. Fear can easily blot out excitement, and these are exciting times.
Thanks for this reflection. XOXO
I like the way you put that, Kathleen: "We are throwing off so much control, while being used to knowing ourselves as controlled." Yes! We are in a strangely betwixt/between space that is not super-comfortable but very exciting, as you point out...
Thanks for the kind words! Glad it resonates... xox
There's a related phenomenon called "bike-shedding", aka the Law of Triviality:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Law_of_triviality
"The time spent on any item of the agenda will be in inverse proportion to the sum [of money] involved."
Yes! That's perfect! Thanks, Mark.
This morning Bohdanna and I went for a walk, and noticed a small thing that's really a big thing - less birds chirping, and certain birds gone.
This is something most don't even notice because they're focused on the small things on TV that are beyond them.
Love your blue-flickering master phrase! Keep on helping us all help ourselves expand - thank you Mary.
Your observation makes me sad. I'm recently (2 years) moved to FL, so I don't know if the lack of morning birdsong is normal or not. But I sure do notice it and wonder if anyone else does...
Thank YOU for all you're doing, Roman. I'm so glad to be on your team. xox
👏👏👏 Bravo!
Thanks, Melanie!
Wow, Mary, this one is chock-full of gems! I love your tweaking of "The Four Agreements" as much as the original. I once got a hug from Don Miguel Ruiz in the Omego Institute bookstore years ago. He was lovely and seemed like someone who genuinely lived what he was teaching. You are lovely, too, Mary, and I imagine you're living life true to your version of TFA. XOXO
Ooh, a hug from don Miguel -- I imagine that to be a direct hit of enlightenment. How beautifully fortuitous!
Thank you, Barbara. I'm doing my best, as Sr. Ruiz might say...😉❤️
What a thought-provoking exploration of our cognitive blind spots. Your piece beautifully bridges the gap between ancient stoic wisdom (focusing on what we can comprehend and control) and our modern challenges with information overload. The contrast between the Piraha's simplified numbering system and our obsession with quantifying everything really struck me. While we can't escape our cognitive limitations, we can choose how we respond to them. I especially appreciate your optimistic turn at the end - the idea that our inability to grasp the colossal might also mean we're missing out on seeing massive positive changes. It's a reminder that wisdom often lies in accepting our limitations while remaining open to possibility.
Thank you so much, Jack. Wow, that's a terrific definition of wisdom! Rephrasing slightly: the acceptance of limitations while remaining open to possibility. YES. It has a serenity-prayer aspect to it...
Re: the Piraha, I found myself completely absorbed in a video about them. I felt that there was so much to learn from observing their lives. If you're interested: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_LAR6eeiVtY&t=931s&ab_channel=SLICE
Big hugs... xox
Bravo
lots ta what yer sayin' here Mary... I see the "overwhelm" so much! fer example when one kiddo in our local homeskool group (sadly jabbed) was dyin' of cancer (a 2nd one sadly just died too this month--yeesh...) the group rallied around the fam--offerin' homecooked meals, help with housework, donations, help with the other kiddos--what ya'd expect, right? An' yet they cannot individually or as a group wrap their minds around the fact that a good portion of the nation got harmed... lotta pro-jabbers (handful not) but try as I might ta warn 'em 'bout the elephant in the room--ta near-beg 'em to look at CHD or at least consider the mass deaths... they just say I'm listenin' to a crazy man whose own fambly disowned 'im. SIGH. I couldn't possibly turn 'em on ta less well-known folks (eg. Dr. Ana Mihalcea who'd be just too too fer 'em) so even given CHD's limitations...an' that he "might" be runnin' this MAHA thang (which I'm gettin' more 'n more worried 'bout given the selections DJT has made includin' the awful Wizard of Oz...)... I try fer the most robust an' official source out there an' STILL... they shut down an' set ta quibblin' over details...
All this ta say folks kin see one child...but they cannot fathom thousands upon thousands nor change direction fer their own fam whom (clearly) they're puttin' at risk... It's just one've many issues (traffickin' is an'nuther) but I see covidCon & jabs an' all that is one big medi-cull fire engine (ambulance?) they "buy" while focusin' on the singular... the child, the gutter, the smaller picture...
These are times've "overwhelm" an' indeed our spirits an' feelin's can soar above it all... but meantimes a lotta small-minded (nay petty) folks are just walkin' around "sore" an' not lookin' up...
You make excellent points, Daisy, all the more poignant because they're your own felt experiences. It's going to take more and more individual tragedies to collect in people's hearts. Reminds me of Blowin' in the Wind. (Which feels like a first -- I'M directing YOU to some golden oldie! 😉)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ld6fAO4idaI&ab_channel=Subtitleman
I had a friend who shared a similar gem, the smaller the 'crumbs', the more the 'birds' fight over them. At the time he was referring to small wage increases within a company.
Another apt metaphor, for sure.
Nice job, Mary. I don't know how you managed to put this essay all together. Your head must have really hurt after writing this. When I ask my husband "how did you ever manage to construct this incredible thing"? (whatever it was). He usually responds by saying "very carefully". What would you say??. LOL xox
Thanks, Rocket! Hmm... I would add "slowly" to "very carefully." 😂 xox